Archives for April 2004

You know what’s interesting? To me, anyway, and since you’re reading, come along. I’ll tell you.

I hadn’t been reading fiction when I wasn’t writing. For the last few months, I’ve been reading mostly non-fiction, things like writing manuals and biographies and the New Yorker. This is totally unlike me, the fiction queen. I’ve always sneered a little at non-fiction, thinking it dry and dull. Shows me. The non-fiction I’ve been reading has been fascinating and wonderful and witty and smart and so fine.

But it wasn’t fiction. Down south, over the weekend, I picked up a novel that Mom had just finished, A Certain Slant of Light. Not only was it gorgeous, lyrical writing (with some great references to spinning and wool and fiber – the author obviously knows her sheep), but it started filling something that I didn’t know was empty. That first night, lying in bed, reading her words, I felt as if I were drinking water after being in the hot sun all day. Every word tasted good.

While I was reading, my brain turned on. It started to think again as a writer. In between paragraphs I thought of my own characters. It was like they were standing up and waving to me. “Hey! Over here! Remember us?”

Seriously, it was weird. But really, really good.

I have eggs on the boil (is there anything as good as a hard-boiled egg, still warm?) and I’m ready to make my coffee. It’s windy as hell outside, and I feel sorry for the little plant-lets I put out last week. Some of the flowers have just broken right off and over. And I just decided right here and now that I don’t like my garden plan. I hadn’t been sure, but now I know. I also I know it isn’t going to be changed until after my vacation, so I won’t worry about it now.

Do you know that with work and prior obligations and being out of town, my next free no-plans night is MAY SEVENTEETH? That, friends, is ridiculous. But short of canceling my trip (HELL, no), there’s nothing else I can change. Yipes. I’ve scheduled a couple of do-nothing afternoons, though.

Can’t figure out how to end this entry. So: Good bye. Mwah.

I did my writing.

The penal code in California for an altercation/fight/disturbance is 415 (said four-fifteen). I’ve always got code running through my mind, and I struggle not to use it in polite conversation. But there’s no other good way to say it: I’ve been four-fifteening with my writing for the last, what? Month? Ever since I got sick, I think. I think about it constantly. I want to write constantly. But I don’t. I just put it off, until it’s ludicrous to put it off one more time – yet I do.

I was talking to Bethany and my friend Marama yesterday about it. There’s something so similar in the way I put off writing to the way other people put off working out. It’s always “tomorrow.” (I say “some people” because while I put off working out, I NEVER feel badly about it. I figure I’ll be fat and happy, right? No guilt on that count. For once.) And it’s always tomorrow. How the hell do we tell ourselves that with a straight face?

“Yeah, Inner Rachael, I’ll write tomorrow. Because tomorrow I’ll suddenly have all the time I need to get into a good writerly space, I’ll have the energy, and my brain will be more alert. In fact, if I don’t write today, I’ll be BETTER at writing tomorrow. It’s gonna be great! I can’t WAIT to write tomorrow!”

How does my Inner Self prevent herself from falling about the place, holding her sides from laughing? Instead she nods and agrees (lazy cat). “Tomorrow sounds like a perfect time to write. Now you just put your feet up and read some blogs or something. Relax. You’re working hard, you deserve a break.”

FROM WHAT?

What it comes right down to is that I’m a writer. Not because I write, and not because I get paid to write (please, every blue moon or so), but because there’s nothing else in my heart or mind that makes me happy like writing does. I have no idea why I kick and scream my way to the page, but once I’m there, I’m happy. Even struggling with the characters, as I am right now, I’m happy. Utterly content. And having written…. Well. Is there a better feeling? If I still smoked, I’d light up after writing. It’s like that.

Today I kicked my procrastinator’s agenda by attacking it like this: Instead of doing my eternal puttering upon waking, instead of blogging and checking the blogs I can’t live without checking, instead of making phone calls and paying bills, instead of making breakfast (or whatever meal it is you make when you wake at 2pm), I got out of bed, made a cup of green tea, and wrote.

Seems so simple, doesn’t it? Make it the first priority, because it should be that, anyway. Do it first. I’ve always been a big proponent of Doing the Hard Stuff First because then the ice cream tastes better, so I don’t know why I’ve never done this. Some little voice in my head (I swear I’m no more schizophrenic than most) always told me I had to wake up first and turn on my thought processes. Screw that. All that means is that I get quicker at thinking up excuses why tomorrow will be better. And waking up in front of the page was lovely.

Write first. Eat/blog/chat/TiVo/clean later. Yeah.

Dang. I’m soooo tired. Got up yesterday at 9am, had donuts at the beach with Mama. (Speaking of the beach, here are Mariko, Hedi and the little mama the day prior.)

Now I’m at work, 0442 in the ay-em. Yawn. I feel like a Bad Blogger, but I’m too tired to post more. Only this: I had lunch at In’n’Out this afternoon (yesterday, whatever), and I’m convinced they are some kind of weird cult. (Overlook the grammar, please. Cain’t think right.)

1) Every employee is young and white. No matter WHERE you go, they’re young and white. Check.
2) There are the tiniest little bible verses printed on the cups and bottoms of the food labels. They’re not quoted, only referenced. I remember looking up one of the Revelations ones once, and it freaked me out a bit.

But DAMN, it’s a good burger.
Off in 14 minutes. To sleep…..
More later,
xoxxxzzzzzzzzz

https://rachaelherron.com/dang_im_soooo_t/

On the central coast. Still at the little mama’s house, still having a good time, so I haven’t had time to blog or respond to email…. And I haven’t had time to blog-surf, either, which is even worse. But I’ve been reading and knitting, so all’s well.

Had a lovely lunch with Mariko and Hedi today – we ate clam chowder at my favorite clam chowder place in the WHOLE world, and we sat on the Pismo pier in the sun. I took pictures on my camera/phone, but Mom’s house has no cell reception so I can’t email them to myself until I leave.

Sometimes, does it suddenly strike you how ridiculous technology is?

All right, off to be non-technical again. You do the same, okay?

Why, we knit!

Photoblog time! (I just heard a run-through of HammerTime in my head. Not okay.)

First, I have to show you what was on my doorstep this morning when I got home from work. I had been complaining all night that I hadn’t had any Cadbury Creme Eggs in a while, and look what the Bunny (Christy) left!

I took two eggs to bed with me for my two hour nap. Those eggs are my favorite candy in the whole wide world, and if they’re available anywhere all year round, please don’t tell me. It’s a good thing for my ass they’re seasonal.

After my nap, I got up and went a’knittin’. I gotta tell ya that I was a little nervous about it — only a wee bit nervous, since I’ve held S’n’Bs before, and this time I knew Joanna and Silvia were my co-sponsors, but still. There’s that moment in which you wonder, “Will anyone come? At all? Will I sit here and drink by myself?” Luckily Seltsame showed up right after I did (I don’t want to butcher the correct spelling of your name, dear, so I’ll use your online name….) and pulled out her knitting. She was quickly followed by Martha (I think). After that, hell, I lost track.

So many cool, fun, funny people! All in one place! I had a BALL! Didn’t even take that many pics (for me) ’cause I was too busy running my mouth off. But here’s a few fer ya.

A group shot (that’s all us in the background, too):

Here are Juliette, Silvia , Amy, and Stella:

And how cute is this one? Sharlene and Juliette mugging it up:

And below are Laura, ready to HAVE that baby, Nyondo, Laine (the reader who recongized me at Stitches!), and my friend Tara. Martha’s in the foreground in her FABULOUS pink Bella cardie.

No one could stop ogling Martha’s bella Bella , and she inspired us all — I bought a bunch of Horstia orange (duh) silk/wool to make it.

Darling owner Christina of Article Pract gave us 15% off all yarn purchases (THANK YOU!). It was so much fun walking around the store talking to Joy about spinning, and Nathania about color, all of us passing our patterns around — What’s the yardage needed for this? Hey, can you check the gauge on that? Sigh. Heaven.

Nathania and me (yes, she really is that gorgeous):

And Stella, me, Nathania, and dear reader Anna:

See? I wore it in public (and then took a slouched picture, oh, well….).

Am I almost done? I’m soooo tired and sooooo stupid after so little sleep, but I want to post this before I collapse on the sofa for the rest of the afternoon/evening (NO SLEEPING! If I sleep now, I’ll screw up my night sleep for my weekend…..)

Oh, can’t forget my favorite Rogue, Joanna:

Isn’t that fit aMAYzing? Mission Falls Wool, people. All I’m sayin’.

All in all, it was a MARVELOUS time. Hey, send me an email if you want to be on my reminder list for the next meet-up, let’s say next month? The more the merrier, says I, and it sure proved true today.

Damn. I’m tired and so happy.

Okay, off to be stupid in quiet. I’m going to the little mama’s house tomorrow for some hot cross buns so I won’t be around on-line much for the next few days. But I’ll be thinkin’ of ya! Meantime, didja see my new cafepress store (below)? Knitting IS sexy, damn it. See above pics for proof!

I had that dream again today. I’m not scared of the ocean, not really. I like boats and I like snorkeling and I LOVE being in/near the sea. But one of my recurring nightmares is about THE WAVE, the big one, the thirty-footer tsunami-like one. I’m looking up, either on the beach at the water’s edge or actually in the water, and the wave is towering over me, just cresting, ready to fall, ready to drag me under. Or it’s getting ready to do that to someone I love and I have to hold on tight (never tight enough; I always let them slip from my hands). Today while sleeping it was just me, bodysurfing the waves, knowing if I kept just beyond the crest of the waves I’d be all right, but I was getting closer and closer to the breaking point.

How symbolic is that? I know, disgustingly so. And what’s always irritating is that the dream comes not when I’m stressed out, not when I have major life-decisions to make, not when I’m in the midst of chaos. That would be satisfying. I could point to the dream and say, “look how stressed I am! See? See?” No, I always get the dream in relatively quiet periods of my life. Makes it difficult to say my subconscious is clever. No, I have a delayed-reaction synapse in my psyche, apparently.

Although I am thinking about surfing lessons. Hmmm.

I’m off to slap some pics on Bethany’s site. For those of you keeping track, she’s my little sister and she’s off on a Grand Adventure. She’s been living in her truck since August, traveling the country. When she runs out of money, she gets a job, makes a little bread, and then gets back on the road. She just had her last day of work at the inn two days ago, and she’s in Florida, headed south toward the Keys. She does wonder if the Keys at Spring Break is the wisest choice, but hell, maybe there’ll be free beer to make up for the bikini crimes. Might take a while to sort and download all her photos that I just got processed, but there should be a few up tonight…..

Meet-up Saturday! See below.