1. Attempt open-heart surgery.
2. Have open-heart surgery.
4. Make evident your laziness by tying a knot between the two skeins of yarn and telling yourself you’ll just weave in the ends nicely.
5. Make evident even greater laziness by discarding the weaving idea and simply clipping the ends at the square knot.
6. Clip those ends closely (like, say, less than a millimeter, ‘cause you’re cool that way).
1-3 – No problem. What, you think I’m stoopid?
4-6 – Well. Yep. There’s the problem. Knitting back, the row AFTER I perform 4-6, the knot slips and I’m looking at VERY short ends rapidly unraveling (blast that gorgeous soft slippery fiber).
What do you do?
No. WHAT DO YOU DO?
I have no clue what the right answer is. I stopped breathing for a while but that gave me a headache. I swore a LOT. The cats went up onto the top of the refrigerator – where they go when the bad man picks up the trash outside or I run the vacuum. Then I kinda caught the loops that were now exposed, pulled the ends, caught some more weeping loops, got enough of the ends between my fingers to tie about seven (not exaggerating here) knots which are now sticking out in a twig-like formation and which I’ll have to sew into the finished shawl later (don’t tell Marama, the gift-ee). Still not sure it’ll hold. I’m having wild-man thoughts about things like a dab of Krazy-Glue on the last knot before I weave it in.
‘Scuse the French, but FUCK.
I tell you, it’s always right when I’m being smug, too. Pride goeth…. Look, how gorgeous and even and I ain’t done nothin’ wrong. Yep. What a great knitter I am! Let’s tie a knot!
Lordy. I need a drink.
And some soft kleenex. Still have the crud. Bleah. One of the things in life in which I believe most is the power of Kleenex ColdCare lotion tissues. I just ran out, so I’m off to the grocery store, where hopefully Bethany’s pictures are in – if they are, I’ll post some tonight on her site!
Unless it’s wool, don’t tie knots. You hear me? Don’t do it!
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