Something has shifted inside me, and I’m not sure where or when it did, but it happened, and I don’t think it’s shifting back. I’ve never felt this before, not even as a child (I've always been a clutcher—I wanted my THINGS. I understood impermanence and I hated it. I enjoyed feeling nostalgic for moments I was actively participating in. I still do that).
I’m seeing clutter for what it is, to me. And I want to make clear that this is all what it is to me. This is not what YOU should do. This isn’t what Lala should do. I don’t want to move Lala’s stuff (it was a requirement when we bought our house that we would both have an office), and I don’t even want to purge much of our shared stuff (there are a few things in the kitchen like old Tuppers-ware… but no, honestly, I’m focused on my stuff).
A lot of my stuff just isn’t important.
And it’s not that things have changed. That’s the really interesting part to me in this. Nothing I own has changed. I haven’t woken up and suddenly “seen the light" although it may look like that from the outside.
My stuff didn’t get less important overnight.
It’s just this: A great deal of my possessions have been unimportant for years. For decades, literally.
So many books, released. I thought because I loved them, because I’d learned from them, that I had to keep them. Nope. They’re already in me, and I don’t tend to reread. Gone.
So much yarn, released. It was collected thoughtlessly, with no plan, and over many years, it had never come in handy for even one single project I’d gone stash-diving for. Gone.
So many clothes, released. This was easier, because I learned through a couple of years of Project 333 that living with fewer, nicer clothes is magic. I’m better dressed, more fashionable, and more ME because of it.
So much junk, junked. It’s unreal how much stuff I’d held onto over the years.
That said, I’ve kept things. So many wonderful things, things that strike joy in my heart. The eye from my beloved teddy bear. The 11-year sobriety chip my friend Bob Cranford gave me when I quit smoking. My mother’s journals. My own. The quilt my grandmother knit me. The Love Blanket that you knit me. Lots of lots of wonderful stuff, kept.
This is how I’ve done it, for those wondering. These are the questions I ask of each item (seriously, I touch every one):
1. Do I use this regularly? (Not could I use this, or would I use this given the right circumstances. Just do I or don’t I.) If yes, keep. If no, move on to next question.
2. Does this spark joy? This is cribbed from Marie Kondo’s book, mentioned in the last post. Prior to reading her book, I was asking questions I could fudge my way around. Do I love this? Sure! I love everything! Does this make me happy? Of course! It’s a fountain pen! Fountain pens make me giddy! But this specific question, “Does this fountain pen you’re holding right now spark actual JOY in your heart?” It’s like flipping a coin. You know the answer when it’s in the air. “No, this fountain pen makes me think of the person who gave it to me, a person I don’t enjoy thinking of anymore.” And just like that. Dithering over selling the pen for years, decided easily in a heartbeat of finally asking the right question. If the answer is yes, keep. If no, donate, sell, or recycle.
And now that I think about it, now that I’m typing, I’ve figured out that this simple question about sparking joy has been the thing that made this quiet click happen within me. I do care for so many things. I’m prone to loving things and people and television shows and vegetables and just about anything that falls within my range of vision. That was my proble when it came to holding on to things.
But so many of my things, though they were nice and worthy of love, didn’t spark joy. I’m culling down to just the things that do, and one day, I’ll look around and have nothing near me that isn’t useful or brilliantly joyful (Lala! the animals! my spinning wheel! the pressed tin Madonna I bought in Venice!), and hoo boy, I can’t wait for that.
The whole process of simplifying, which just a week or two ago was overwhelming and tedious and really, really frightening, is now exciting and honestly FUN. I don’t need the other stuff.
I never have.
That is WILD, yo.
Thanks for posting this. You’re helping me to do a lot of good thinking about my stuff.
YES. And it’s not so much letting go of the things that don’t bring you joy (although that is important). The big thing is recognizing and acknowledging the things that DO spark joy in your heart. Those are the things that truly matter. Everything else in life is just junk of one sort or another.
I’m starting to do this, too, but giving up fountain pens is hard — unless they’re going to someone I know will love them.
Thank you, again, for talking about this. I am taking tiny baby-steps in this direction. (“What do you mean, I don’t need my stuff? My stuff is MY STUFF!”) But, my stuff is not me. I’m starting — just *starting,* mind you — to get that.
But, anyone getting rid of fountain pens? Talk to me! I could love it! (But yes, I’m being picky, too.)
Congrats on the click! I’m not there yet. I’ve been moved to many times and lost too much stuff along the way, and lost too many important people. But I’m making tiny bits of progress in my own way, cleaning out the pantry of foods that no longer fit how I eat and replacing them with home-canned goodies. I’m making plans to start in on the piles and piles of books, which is very hard for me. I do re-read, and I can’t bring myself to throw a book away, so the thrift stores will be inundated as soon as I get the car back from the mechanic. Don’t know that I’ll ever qualify as a minimalist, but I can (and will) declutter. Thanks for the incentive!
Thank you for writing about your process. It is helping me. I was always able to deal fairly well with my stuff until a couple of years ago when I started dealing with some health issues (nothing I’m going to die from but I’m often not feeling well enough to do much). Then my stuff started to pile up and became overwhelming. I didn’t know where to start. A couple of months ago, I decided that putting an hour a week in would be better than nothing. It turns out that this system works really well. Some people do 15 min a day but I often don’t have the energy during the week. One hour is enough time to clean a cupboard out or clean the clutter from a counter. So now, I’ve done most of the kitchen and it has made a huge difference. Much easier to clean and I’m able to keep up with daily messes. The living room is next – boxes of yarn and projects. I’m going to keep your steps in mind. Wish me luck! 🙂
Today it was my overflowing basket of quilting scraps. I am making a scrap quilt, but trying not to use any fabric twice. Ended up with a big bag of extra scraps and I’ll bring them to the thrift shop. I’m sure someone will buy them and think they hit the jackpot!
Ah, impermanence. Growing up in the military and having to get rid of everything every 4 years-I get it. How Mom managed to reduce the important and critical belongings predigital age to 1000 lbs for the entire family still amazes me. Everything had to serve at least 2 purposes or it didn’t make the cut.
A few things I’ve learned through the years of apt rentals and keep doing:
Use mat board – especially the suede look matboard, in the back of my bookcases. It gave a punch of color-something I could change out with the seasons or whim, without stripping, sanding, painting, most importantly using up previous time and energy and waiting for paint, varnish etc to dry. And if I found the color wasn’t what I thought it would be, no great loss.
Change it up for the season-I use slipcovers on my throw pillows and seat cushions. Each season can go in a shoebox. I felt a shift in perspective each time I did this-like I acknowledged my home as a living, changing, evolving thing. I started out using discontinued towels to make the covers pet friendly.
Fresh flowers- large lovely heavy vases can be found at the recycling stores.
because of puppy tails and kitty opportunists. Flowers because fragrance positively affects mood and creativity.
Floor length mirrors-you know the cheap ones that usually go on the back of a door: put in the back of bookcases or on the sides tacked in place with molding to reflect light in a small and or dark room. Works great on the ceiling too in entryways.
Repurpose your furniture-ponder this-convert the first desk to a reading chair. Basically the side sections get moved up to create the seat back and sides. You keep the drawers and can easy create an ottoman which is extra seating and good storage.
Bed pillows-the huge person size, bed width pillows can be sewn down in halves, thirds, etc and made into inexpensive, good throw pillows and couch/chair cushions.
I love your posts, Rachael. Most of them resonate with me, especially this one. I am a minimalist, although you wouldn’t know it . . . we have three sheds filled with stuff. But only about 1/4 of it is mine. I’ve given things away that I regret giving away. But your post reminds me that it’s just stuff. And I am happy with what I have. Peace~!
This post might start a fountain pen swap group! I love your perspective and your willingness to share it. I have been culling clothes recently which is starting to bring me great joy. I wonder what will be next?
I read your first post about letting go while I was visiting my sister, who is the Queen of Having All The Things. It made me itchy to get back to my own home and start taking a good look at what I’ve been keeping for no earthly reason. We made a big long-distance move about three years ago and sent piles! stacks! to Habitat for Humanity, but there is still plenty of room for culling. My biggest albatross? Craft supplies.
When we were getting ready to pack for the aforementioned move, I met a woman who told me how she had arranged her last move. She and her husband boxed up certain things — photos of their kids, heirlooms, stuff like that — and took those to their new house. She then gave the keys to the old house to an auctioneer, who sold everything in it from the furniture to the used kitchen towels to the stuff under the sinks. He took his cut, and handed a check for the rest to my acquaintance, who then turned around and used that money to purchase furniture for her new home. At the time, I thought “why would anyone want to do that?” but after going through the move, I can totally see the logic in it. She kept the stuff that gave her joy, and got rid of the rest.
Amen! : )
I’m trying a new thing this year with one resolution a month instead of 12 for a year…it feels better. lighter!
Jan. is for decluttering! (it might bleed into February a little bit, but that’s ok)
I’ve started slowly with our ‘get rid of stuff’ attempt. There’s so much stuff it’s slightly scary (not least that when I’ve got rid of carloads of stuff before, it’s never seemed to make a difference). I’ll stick with it though; may even get rid of some yarn, which shows how serious I am!
I’m trying. My god I’m trying.taking a small break because work is sapping my joy. Keep posting. Next up: books. Anything i have in digital or able to get through the library is going.
You are an excellent candidate for a “tiny house.” Not sure if you could take Lala and all her “stuff,” though. 🙂
It’s taken me longer to get there and I’m going at a slower pace, but I am right there with you! I am really so glad that I got to the place of realization that the stuff doesn’t make the person. I’ve mostly started with the garage that has been filled with dozens of boxes of “things” that I might someday have space for! Haha, never gonna happen. Goodwill has had a windfall of collectibles, and I just don’t even care that I might have been able to sell it all for a few hundred dollars. It just felt so good to get rid of it. It’s a long process. Carry on!
I think I bought some of your yarn! If you happen to remember the make of the 98% alpaca / 2% nylon labeled “Lord” (pink / blue / cream) I’d be much obliged, actually. It truly made my day to find and if possible I might want to buy more to make a larger garment with it. It’s soooo soft.
I did something similar this fall. I moved to a very small apartment, so I let a lot of things go. I mentally said goodbye to the and it was such a relief. I miss having the bigger space, but I don´t miss any of the things …
So, here’s my question, not lightly asked, how do you deal with “gifts” ? Those from people who are no longer among us physically are easy. The ones from people I see frequently are tough. I look at things I’ve been given and just want it gone. But how do I justify getting rid of the kindness and thoughts? I surmise my issue is if they ask where X is, do I just tell them, given to charity, trash, etc?
I am sitting in a house that’s full of STUFF that I’ve had no idea how to organize or de-clutter for a couple of years now. Your posts have given me lots to think about – thank you! My wife clutches on to her stuff for reasons that go back to childhood, but you’ve shown me that I can de-clutter MY stuff and that will be a start. And it will make me happy. Thanks for all the links to your inspirations! I’m going to start with Project 333 and take it from there. 🙂