Oh, I had a rough night last night. Started with a headache. I was very responsible, and after my 14 hour shift, I went to the pharmacy and picked up the Imitrex. Ain’tcha proud of me? Took it home, took a bath, took the medicine. Dude. How do people snort drugs? It was miserable, snorting that thing. There was an immediate rush, then a disgusting drip that lasted an hour. No immediate relief, but I fell asleep, so that was good.
Then I woke at 5am to a cat that wins the Most Irritating Feline award for 2004. And it’s only February. Adah’s found that clawing my new couch wakes me up. Oh, yes. It does. Then I feed her — yes, she thinks it’s a reward, but what am I supposed to do at five in the morning when she claws the couch every few minutes, just as I’m dropping back off to sleep? Digit, because of medical conditions, can’t eat her food, so I lock her in the bathroom. Approximately eleven seconds after she finishes inhaling her food, she hurls her solid little body at the door, over and over. And over. And over. So I get up to let her out. She then has the energy to tear around the house, up and over the kitchen countertops, knocking over anything I’ve left out, up and over my body, up and over Digit’s body. Digit is now PISSED off, so he starts squalling at the door. I get up to let him out. Twenty minutes later, there’s a screaming cat fight outside. He’s tangling with the neighbor cat, like he does everyday. Those neighbors HATE me and my cat (although their cat is always fighting with mine in MY yard), so I get up to break it up. When he comes in, HE wants to eat. In order to feed him, I have to separate them again, so Adah goes back into the bathroom. And starts hurling herself against the door again.
By now it’s six-thirty and I have to get up in an hour. The headache is back, with a vengeance. I finally fall into a nappish state and have a dream about the only ex-boyfriend I feel guilty about. JM was an angel, a beautiful man whom I truly, deeply loved, and then just let go, without much explanation. Two and half years ago, he left me a voice mail (since I was being an asshole and not answering my phone) saying he had a dream of me in which he let me go. Since then, I dream of him a couple of times a year. I see him walking away from me, and my heart breaks. It’s an awful dream, and it means that I have to contact him to apologize. I last had the dream in Venice, last March. I wrote him a letter while seated at a cafe table on the Grand Canal. I didn’t mail it.
I am not ashamed of any of my dealings with anyone. Except for him. Now I have to find the damn letter, open it, and decide whether to mail it or re-write it. But I have to exorcise this regret. I don’t regret not being with him. But I regret my behavior. I don’t care if he ever speaks to me; I just need him to know that I was scared and that I’m sorry.
And it’s all Adah’s damn fault, leaving me lying there, awake, thinking, watching the clock tick towards the alarm….
Back at work, only a 12 hour shift today. The headache is abating now — I think it’s more of a sinus thing today. Cromarty is coming along. Damn, this sweater is going to take forever, but it’s such a pleasant forever. Oh! I have to go test which fiber I am.
You are Shetland Wool.
You are a traditional sort who can sometimes be a
little on the harsh side. Though you look
delicate you are tough as nails and prone to
intricacies. Despite your acerbic ways you are
widely respected and even revered.
What kind of yarn are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Good god. Acerbic? But shetland wool, whoopee!
Mobile blogging from my mom’s in Florida. Your night sounds like my night…only two kids alternating coughing/allergy attacks do to dogs. I hope you get a better night’s sleep. And I hope you find that letter.
See what a poor night’s sleep. I am commenting on blogs, not blogging. And it is “due” not do.
Thank you for sharing your story with us — we all have situations in our past that could stand to have some moments of reflection. Good for you, find the letter, retool it if you must and send it on its way. you are one cool chick!
I know I haven’t been hanging around here long, so I hope you aren’t offended by me buttin’ my nose in…
I was in a similar situation, sent the letter, and his reaction was “Oh, well, thanks. But I moved on a long time ago.” I thought I had really hurt this guy (and I was down right cruel to him) and he, apparently, just skated through it.
I only mention this to point out that each of us recalls the past differently. Be prepared for a variety of reactions.
Apologies in advance, if warranted…
Did you realize you’re actually Sheltand Wool (once again, look close at the pic)? In addition to being widely respected and revered, you are also a unique, brand new being, surprising everyone constantly. That’s my definition anyway. Love you!
Sorry to hear about the migraine. I hope that imitrex stuff works for you! And keep defining those triggers!
You obviously need some closure with the ex. I hope you find a good way to contact him.
And hey, Shetland Wool. I am mohair (I was feeling a little fuzzy lately …)
Shetland Wool! Me too. And I’m liking the description. My solution for Kitty Wakeups….turnabout is fair play. I wake THEM up every chance I get the whole day. When its nighttime, well, both felines and humans sleep well.
I don’t know what type of Imitrex you have been prescribed – but it does come in tablet form! 🙂 Bound to be much easier than your experience!
I hope tomorrow’s better – cats can be such adorable little shits. But, we love them. As to JM – you must resolve this whichever way works for you. I say it so strongly only because in just the last few years there have been several times I felt compelled to contact someone and didn’t mostly out of fear/hesitation and then lost my chance…forever; they died. Some of them suddenly and at a young age – weird, huh? but if you feel you need to do something – do it rather than regret the fear and hesitation later. (she steps off her soapbox) and you? cruel? inconceivable!
A few months ago I sent a confession/apology letter to Rock Star Ex-Boyfriend. I haven’t heard from him since. Be prepared for him to have moved on, but also be prepared for him to have not moved on and to be perhaps angry, bitter, etc.
You and your poor aching head! Have you considered acupuncture?
Sorry to here about your migraines, I get them too. Have you ever tried the Maxalt or Zomig that melts on your tongue? Much better than snorting then dripping down the back of your throat.
Peace
I’m Merino… 🙂
I too dream of unresolved things.. including an ex., my fear of flying (I swear I fly every night in my dreams..) I once called up that ex on his birthday after not talking for 5 years. He was delighted and more than happy to hash things out.. Apparently he was as unresolved about the whole thing as I was. It was a good call and every few years we catch up, still caring about the other. Go for it..
Cripes, those cats need some behaviour management!! 😉 No advice on that one, I am a dog person and as long as doggy gets to sleep in my room he is a perfect angel, although he does snore like mad..
Oh, Rachel, your story about JM really touched me. Do what you need to do to bring peace to yourself. It may bring him some too.
Just wanted to say Hi and that I think yer neat.
I hope your migraine feels better. I take stuff called Frova which is a triptan like Imitrex, but it’s a teeny pill I take instead of a snorty thing.
Hello again. The quiz was fun, I’m merino wool. Just had to tell someone cause I don’t have a blog to share through (sniff). Now I’ll have to go on ebay and buy some merino so I can make something that’s truly me. Good luck with the migraines. I used to get them, my first memory is being around three years old and having a migraine! I was lucky, I grew out of them in my twenties. Rachael, it’s always a pleasure to red your blog. Hang in there.
Ah, men and cats. They’re cute when they’re asleep!