Y’all are amazing. If anyone out there has problems with another person (as if), please scroll down to yesterday’s post and hit the comments. I have the best, smartest, nicest, sexiest readers in the land, and I can prove it. So there.
During a conversation with my mother today, I finally figured out how to describe a typical conversation with The Owner Who Drives Me Crazy. It goes something like this:
Me – "Please have some chocolate cake."
Him – "But I want some chocolate cake! You don’t understand, I really want chocolate cake. I want it so much. I wish you would listen to me. No matter what I do, I can’t get any cake. I wish I could have some cake. I really, really want chocolate cake."
Me – "Here’s some chocolate cake. How big a piece do you want?"
Him – "You don’t get it! I want chocolate cake! Can you even understand me? If you stopped trying to interrupt me — no! Don’t you interrupt me when I’m trying to tell you something that is imperative for all of us to understand. I want chocolate cake, and I’m going to do anything I can to get it. You should be aware that perhaps legal counsel is the best way to persuade you to give me chocolate cake. I wish you would just listen to me once in a while."
Me – "Hell, pass the cake to me, if he’s not going to eat it. And buddy, you can have some if you want some. I’ll put it in front of you"
Him – "No, I just wanted chocolate cake. That’s all. But never mind. I see how it’s always going to be."
But really, if you have that person in your life that makes you want to stick a fork in your eyeball just so you get some peace and quiet at the hospital, please go read those comments. Bless y’all and thanks.
So, just how big was that piece of cake you ate, and what kind of frosting did it have? (Did you have seconds?) As EZ always said, knit through all life’s crises! Perhaps we should add to knit through all life’s frustrations, too! LOL
eh.. if he won’t take the cake, more for you
honestly though, what a fuckwit.
WOW, those comments are GREAT! I’ve copied and pasted a few to save as reminders to myself — fabulous advice and words to live by.
I know the guy is “threatening” you with getting legal counsel. But my advice is to do everything you can to encourage him to have it. Then you don’t deal with CRAZY MAN OF STUPIDITY you deal with his reasonable lawyer. The lawyer then gets to have all those lovely conversations regarding the chocolate cake. And you guys don’t need to lawyer up. His threat is pretty meaningless, considering you guys are doing everything by the book, his lawyer will know that too. Think of it this way: you convince him to get a lawyer and then you get to deal with a reasonable person and the stupid guy actually *pays* for the fact that he doesn’t know how to play well with others. The lawyer may not be able to convince him to act reasonably, but at least you don’t deal with him anymore. You write or speak to his lawyer because that’s what legal representation is for!
Well, we would HOPE that if he gets a lawyer the lawyer would be more sane. Hard not to be. But (and I am a lawyer, so I can say this), just remember that not all lawyers are sane. I have dealt with some real lulus in my professional life. At least if it’s work, it’s easier not to let it get to me, just makes for better stories, y’know? Still, it’s quite likely to be an improvement in this case.
Oh yes, and thanks for inspiring me to make DD a cell phone case. Love your weensy camera purse!
I want some cake. Can I have his piece if he’s going to be that dumb? I mean, really. I’m so glad you found some support yesterday. Carry it with you as your solid center while you deal with this ding-dong.
well I have a BIL and nephew just like that jerk — and I am always repeating to myself the mantra “At least I am not married to that” And neither is BILs ex-wife LOL I seriously thing DH was given to the wrong family he is so different from them.
And on a good side they haven’t talked to us for almost a year — the calmest year I have had in decades 😀
when you are knitting thru this crisis though – let it be a towel or dishcloth or something that doesn’t matter that the knitting will be really really tight as you picture his throat in the noose…. or is that just me
arrggh on fumble finger — I really think DH is from another family not thing he is……. lol
so…
I’m wishing I were in your state.
I’d volunteer to be either your lawyer or your mediator.
Heck, I don’t have to be licensed there to be your mediator…just to be your lawyer.
But I concur — lawyer up, sue his ass over the deck (it might not be small claims … depends on how much it costs to fix). Consider also suing for injunctive relief — get the rest of the HOA to sue him to get a court order requiring him to permit access for the other bids you need, and to permit access for the repairs.
Once you’ve handed the shit over to the lawyer…. relax and fantasize about VENICE
Good lawd, people like that are my favourite* kind of people.
Now I’d like some of that chocolate cake. LOL
*sarcasm
Wow, your readers do rock. You got spiritual answers, legal answers and screw him we love you answers. All are perfect.
Perhaps you may have contacts that can run his name through the “system” to see if he has been “dangerous” in the past.
Also wouldn’t a LexisNexis search of his name bring up any other legal actions associated with his name.
At least know what your dealing with. Good luck and fuck him, you’re going to Venice (the most beautiful city in the world).
Well, he may be your semi-personal pain-in-the-ass, but your stories are just amusing me to no end. Can I have some cake, too?
caaaaake
That recording device advise yeaterday sounded like a good idea. It might cause him to weigh his words a bit. It would be interesting to observe if hearing himself in action has any effect. But then, you would have to listen to yourself in action, too. Hmmmmm (You would also have evidence.) Good luck and knit warshcloths where tension doesn’t matter. I liked that one.
your chocolate cake analogy cracked me up. in joyous news, after a horrible nail-biting weekend in which i tried desperately to take all advice given on not obsessing and had nightmares anyway (not as bad nightmares, perhaps?), yesterday i had a mega-confrontation with my own personal nemesis that, i think, went really well! hurrah! i even got to throw in lines like “i may be younger than you, and i may not have a ph.d., but that doesn’t mean i’m not worthy of respect.” it can be done…
I have a hard time imagining this guy getting through the process of hiring a lawyer.
Lawyer: Sure, I’ll represent you.
Him: I really need legal counsel.
Lawyer: Well, I’m willing to be your legal counsel.
Him: You don’t understand, I need to speak to a lawyer.
Here’s my take on your response: We the people of the human race have a strong and inherent need to understand and make sense of personal adversity. We need to feel safe and logical in our world. Usually this drive to make sense works out pretty well, even when we have to fudge our perceptions or reality a little, to make it fit our sensibility paradigm.
The problem with your current problem is that you’re trying to make sense of crazy.
It don’t work, love.
You can’t make sense of crazy. Just say it over and over.
Your description of your perp sounds just like many convos I’ve had with my ex-husband. I know it’s not him though, because he won’t leave his basement.
Feel better, k?
Ahhh, I see. That helps clarify things a lot.
He doesn’t want chocolate cake at all. He wants someone to listen to him, and make soothing noises, and care about his needs, and promise that yes, he is indeed the most important person in the world.
Sometimes it works to use a two-pronged approach: 1. Layer on the caring. (He’ll eat it up.) 2. Use that “make a choice” trick that works on kids. i.e.:
You: “Here, have some chocolate cake.”
Him: “But you don’t UNDERSTAND! I want chocolate cake!”
You: “Of course! Absolutely! Not a problem!* Here, do you want cake on a plate or in a dish?”
Him: “Um… plate?”
* All of these words are magic to guys like this. Also, “Understood,” “Definitely,” and so forth.
Of course, this is a strategy that may or may not be to your liking. Be interesting to see what happens if you try it, though.
You could also decide that it’s not your job to fulfill his immature emotional needs, and hire a lawyer. Either way.