Hokay. I did something dumb last night. Not Very Dumb, only slightly silly, but now I’m regretting it. There are nights, very few and far between, when I like to go home and look at personals on either Planet Out or Craigslist. (Free is good.) I can admit that here, since we’re all internet junkies, right? And I’ve made excellent real life friends from both places (and met at least one crazy, but hell, that can happen any-damn-where). But I still feel dumb about it, and I’ll tell ya why in a sec.
I went to see Big Fish last night. I remember someone (maybe Em?) said they had been and had cried for the last 30 minutes of it. I thought to myself, Eh, I don’t cry at movies anymore. Or books, really. I must getting old and hard.
Oh, lord. I sobbed. Really. Those great big gulping sobs that are hard to breathe around. Granted, I’d only had three hours sleep, but that wasn’t it. It was just good. Really good. Some part of the movie (the big-ness of the peripheral stories?) kept reminding me of The Princess Bride, with a little less levity and little more Tim Burton-ness. Gawd, I love him. I ran out of kleenex from my pocket and had to use the sock I was knitting. Don’t tell Christy. Sniff.
But the movie, while it was the PERFECT see-alone movie, left me feeling so lonely. I NEVER feel lonely. (Exaggerator that I am, never usually means once every four or five months. Pretty standard marker.) I went to Christy’s house, but we watched Sex and the City, and her boyfriend came over. Both good things, but both exacerbated said situation.
So, driving home, I decided to go to the local gay bar and have a drink. Maybe dance. Sounds good, right? Then I pictured what always happens when I go in alone – I sit at the bar with my 7&seven, smile at everyone, they smile back and I leave, a little embarrassed. Women aren’t easy to talk to. Men? I’ll talk to any man, in any bar, anytime. Women are harder. So I drove home, made myself a 7&San Pellegrino Aranciata (the Trader-Joe’s-shopping version of the drink) and read online ads for fun. Sometimes I like to respond to them. Sometimes I make friends. But last night I posted my own on CL. (Search for yarn, it’s the only one.)
The reason I feel Quite Silly is that now that I’m awake and rested this morning, I’m got a full inbox of sensitive sweet responses and I’m NOT LONELY in the slightest. Have no reason to believe I’ll feel that way again anytime soon. I like being single and I don’t want to change that status right now. Can I call them in four or five months, when the mood strikes again? No? I just feel a little guilty sometimes, as if I should be making the effort to find the One, but the last year and a half of single-dom (never before had) has been bliss.
So now I feel like an ass. One girl I might go on a date with, just ‘cause her note was perfect. If she wants to. That one doesn’t feel weird. But the others, like the one who wrote, “I am currently reading Cash-flow Quadrant by Robert Kawasaki and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill,” but sounded so good-hearted, what do I do? Definitely NOT go on a date, and I have to write back, but what do I say?
It’s my own stoopid pickle. This is why you don’t post after a tall glass of fancy. And I was so much more excited this morning to read my comments from you all! Those are the ones that matter to me. Erg.
I need to go yarn-shopping now, to make myself feel better. My friend Kira and I are meeting for lunch in the City and I’m going to ImagiKnit for the first time. That might do the trick, no?
You silly gal! You don’t have to respond to any of the e-mails, I don’t think. You can always consult my insane brother, who is the king of rejection and online personals. Tee hee. Don’t feel pressured or responsible for the respondents’ feelings. You can always lie and say you lost the e-mails. Heh.
Hey, you are a terrible influence! I never would have known about that Rogue sweater if you hadn’t mentioned it! Yesterday I bought the pattern AND some yarn from elann for it!
How did your mom’s test go?
Take me on a date to ImagiKnit! That place looks fab.
If it were me, I would give the perfect sounding one a shot. Is there anything to lose? And the second one, I would see how the first one goes and if it doesn’t go well…I would take a chance on the second.
Shortly before I proposed to my husband, I made a vow to be honest with anyone I dated. Honesty was going to be my policy–not kindness. Although, I tried to be honest in a nice way. 🙂 Go for it Rachael, it might be fun.
And if it’s not, I’ll take you on a date to my LYS, Granny’s. 😉
You know, all that really happened is you posted the equivalent of a very short, very personal blog entry, and some people left the equivalent of comments. If their comments are worth responding to and just happen to lead to a friendship, the same way some “Glass House” comments compel you to respond to them and occasionally lead to friendship, then I say respond to ’em. Never miss a chance to make a new friend, I say! The love part will take care of itself.
Besides, you have no obligation to the people who posted emails. These are the online PERSONALS, fer Cripe’s sake. Everyone knows the personals are a goofy, risky, slightly weird biz.
All that aside, your entry was very funny and touching. Loved it!
OK, Ryan’s a genius. What a perfect way to sum up what’s going on.
I’m going to add that the way you’re feeling now is an excellent place to be to date–you’re not lonely, you’re happy with yourself, and that, my friend, is irresistable. Bask in desirability. It’s almost like cashmere.
Besos.
Just checked the homophobe site again (yes, I was gonna vote again!) Boy howdy, they really got a lot of bad votes since about 10:30 this morning. When I voted then, it was running about 55/45 (about 9600 votes total). Now the Yes votes are down to about 30%, with about 11,000 votes! Yuck!
i agree with mariko and ryan. you don’t have to respond to anyone you don’t want to. on the other hand, go out with the “perfect” post. think of it as an adventure.
Okay , your post is so freakin cute. And Em is right…you are irresistible in your comfortable, happy state! And Ryan is right too! Damn, everyone’s so smart. Your blog draws cool people….cause you’re so cool yourself, lady.
Take a chance…it might be fun…and if not, we get to read about it and giggle with you. 😉
awww
Everyone I know that has seen big fish has said that they never cry but this one made them bawl. I cry, I’m not seeing this in a theater. I hate blubbering in front of an audience even though I’ve done it many a time.
As for the personal entry. I don’t see anything wrong with it. It may just be a good thing. You may meet some really interesting people and maybe even someone that is fun to date. I agree with everyone else on the emailing them all back. If you think they deserve it go for it, but I don’t think you owe anyone anything. I may be a little more open to the whole online thing because I married a man I met online.
Good luck and I hope something really good comes from your tall glass of fancy
I agree with everyone: Don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but if you feel like you might have a connection with one of them, what harm can come from a coffee date?
BTW, glad to hear you liked the movie. I have been wanting to see it, but wanted to wait until someone I “know” had seen it. Reading your blog counts as knowing you, kind of, right ;->?
I liked Big Fish too. I thought it was a very sweet movie.
As for the personals, go with your gut. You are a good judge of character, at least what I can tell from emails and blog interactions.
Hang in there girl! Being a single lesbian is not always the easiest. If you are comfortable, go with it.
Smiles!
You are just so darn sweet. That’s all I have to say about it.
Okay, I second Ryan and all those other people that agreed with him…And I’ll add that your positive outlook, openness, and all that good stuff is going to keep on drawing people in! You make people feel good and it’s great to find people who make you smile…If there happens to be one of those people for you in your responses, then it could be fun to follow up. However, you don’t need to feel any obligation to respond to all those people as it’s just part of that whole personals process. I do love that you want to do the right thing by all those people, though…Just another example of your sweet nature! Best of luck with the possible date! 🙂
Rachel, you’re a special woman, it comes across even in a medium with no inflection, no tonality like a voice that speaks with a timber to be reckoned with…you make people WANT to share your day to day and as others have said before me, you’re in a place where you are so comfortable with who you are you can stand alone or seek a compliment. That being said, I’m a firm believer in the old nugget “there are no accidents”… I believe there is something you need from someone you have invited into your life. Maybe there earth won’t move, maybe you’ll make another good friend. Go with the ads that move you and just enjoy what unfolds!
I say you’re under no obligation to respond to anyone. They can each just assume their note didn’t spark your interest or you picked someone else or something like that.
That said, if one of ’em feels right, what’s the harm in a date or two?
And you can always give me a call if you just want someone to hang out with until the lonely spell is over.
You know, that lonely part of you is really important especially when you look in the mirror and find yourself smiling. Finding someone who looks into your eyes and registers recognition is the greatest of gifts and one you can find in the eyes of a friend or a lover, but only if you keep looking up and out. So the personals can give you an ‘interesting view’ to peruse but the what if shouldn’t just be dismissed….what if when you look up and out over these replies into the eyes of another you find recognition!… a friendship to cherish or a lover to hold….an hilarious story to share with your friends as to the moment you registered SHE JUST SAID!!!!
Like you I would wish to respond to them all because unlike me they may see the non reply as confirmation of their worthless state – in their mind. A gentle note of thanks, statement that the response to ad has been a bit overwhelming and confirmation that the ‘no’ is not because they are shit but because reality just means my choice doesn’t include them not because of any failure on their part but where I am at myself.
Enjoy the moment and embarce the experience…and maybe the woman too, cough. As others have said friendship is a precious gift don’t turn away before you have unwrapped the possibility.
Sweet darlin’, I just adore you.
much much much love —
it’s VERY cold here, so I can’t wear my nice cute outfit I had planned to interview today’s candidate in — alas.
If I were out there it would be PERFECT! Darn!
And we could have coffee.
God, I have *SO* been there in the past. I think there is something about women that makes them harder to talk to in potential dating situations. Maybe it’s that we’re all conditioned to be passive and wait for the ‘guy’ to make the first move. Anyhow. I agree with the others; no need to respond to everyone.
OMG, you could write a book just with all these comments. Been there with CL. 🙂 Just be grateful these women lifted your spirit. If you can’t write everybody back, just copy their addresses into the bcc box and say thanks for being so sweet but your inbox was flooded and there is no way you can meet everybody. Only meet the ones you really like. I’m all for internet dating. I think bars are hella scary. There is nothing wrong with it. Just be ethical about it and treat those people the way you would want to be treated. It’s nice to get a response.