So, I just mailed the letter off to JM. Two and a half years of needing to, and it was easy when I finally got around to it. And I love the little stories I got from y’all in response yesterday, some good, some not-so-good. I don’t really care, one way or the other. I hope he forgives me. But if he doesn’t, it’ll be enough for me to have sincerely apologized. If he doesn’t care one way or the other, that’s okay, too.
I’ve confused a couple of people along the way, though. Talking to a friend about it this morning (I made her read the letter), she said, “So, are you a confused lesbian?”
Simple answer? Probably. I don’t want to be with a man right now, haven’t for years. Not in a year that begins with 2, anyway. But I have deeply, madly loved particular men, and I don’t completely rule it out for my twilight years. Might be nice to have someone to open the pickle jars (tongue-in-cheek here). But for now, women are where it’s at. Yep. Simple answer that doesn’t quite make sense. But it doesn’t have to. That’s my answer and I’m sticking to it.
Cromarty? Coming along. About ten inches up the first sleeve. Terrified I’m not going to have enough yarn – I’m thinking four balls per sleeve, and I’ve always considered the sleeves to be 1/3 of the whole enchilada. So that means approximately 24 skeins, and I have 18. And I believe the 18 I have are the complete dye lot. (A terrified hush falls over the crowd.) Stay tuned.
I recognize that your dating a man and caring deeply for him could be confusing. Sexuality, in general, is tough for people to nail down. You are so TRUE though in saying that your answer is suffient- even if it does not make sense to others. What is, is.
I didn’t comment on your post yesterday but I was on the receiving end of a letter like yours a few years ago. I had long made my peace with the situation- in fact I got the letter the day before Michelle and my commitment ceremony. It was not, however, a letter I wanted to received. And I told the person so when I ran into her at a Pridefest event the following week.
There is no telling where JM is in his process right now. It is good that you did what you needed to do for you though.
Hang in there!
Glad you mailed the letter. The worrying is harder than the doing. Judaism requires asking forgiveness once a year – guess that means we’re not meant to carry the load of remorse.
Confused Lesbian….hey I’ve been in that state for 48years :0)- see it’s like this I am a very human human being and life and its living takes some beating in the confusion stakes so be the label lesbian, bisexual, hetrosexual, woman, man or amaphrodite etc etc confused seems the most honest word to describe self. That self that continues to evolve, expand and embrace. For the last 34 years that has been with eyes and heart on and for women but not exclusively in sense of sepratist or disdainer of other for the eyes and heart have really been upon the other all to human human beings like myself and watching how our confusion evolves into being and the being is after all only possible for a moment. Honesty of heart takes courage and gentleness hold them close my friend and let the consfusion be what itr is for I suspect the is comes spelt truth.
I’ve been on both ends of the bad behavior appology situation. I emailed an x and through a bit of purging and getting our ducks in a row, I consider him to be a very good friend again. And then I had one of those appologies last year. Unfortunately mine was a face to face surprise appology and it would have been nice to have a written one.
I understand how hard it must have been to mail that letter. Good for you.
I hope all goes well with the letter to JM. I’ve never done something like that, although I did go through a few years of being despised by an ex; I can’t even remember exactly how it happened, but we got through it, came out the other side, and are friends. And I’m glad. It’s no good to live with regrets. And oooh, I hope you have enough Cromarty yarn, girl! (And OOOH, your kitties were bad the other night!)
ya did the right thing girl.be proud!
Rachael
So sorry, I missed your e-mail because I deleted it, oooops! I apologize. I know my original post was about migraines.
Peace
It’s one little chromosome. Upon which much depends*, to be sure, but one, just the same. I’d be happy to see more confusion in the public at large, actually.
*like the ability to close drawers and cabinets after use, for example
**NOT Y-linked
Hey Rachael, it’s been a bitch of a weekend and I’m a few days behind. How awesome that you contacted your ex! I hope that gets resolved well. I think the question about your sexuality is a little personal, I think many of us have been more than one place in our pasts, life is rarely a straight road (no pun intended!) I tried apologizing to someone once for being an asshole while I was with him, but he wouldn’t have it. Maybe it was too soon. Kudos, though, dear. You seem to be in all ways an exemplary human. 🙂
Years ago, I was in Venice and purchased way too much gorgeous yarn from a woman, Beatrice, who looked much like the photo under your ‘Venice Ladies’ caption. Is this Beatrice? Whether she is or not, it brings back wonderful memories each day when I check your blog. Love the ‘apology letter’ … you’ll feel so much better. Been there, done that…
Glad you sent the letter.. whatever happens you have some closure. If you never hear from him again so be it, but you got what you wanted to say off your chest. If you hear from him and he blasts you, so be it. He will have gotten his stuff off his chest. Win-win.. Closure..
Good for you for sending the letter. That kind of stuff weighs on me too. Thanks for sharing that story with us…it seems like a lot of us relate to it!! 🙂 Have a great day!
Ooooo… so sorry to hear that you’re playing the “yarn karma” game with Cromarty… any way you could alter the pattern (I was thinking 3/4 sleeves or something) so you have a bit more yarn to play with?
Your kitties sound like they’ve gotten the “tag-team” down… I guess I should be grateful that I only have 1 kitty to “entertain” me around 3 am! I’m sure she is SO confused that I’m not wide awake and hyper… after all, she is! 🙂
Aren’t we all confused, even if it’s just at certain stages of life? Some of us might not always see it or be willing to admit it, but I agree with whoever said that sexuality can be pretty hard to nail down (pun absolutely and totally intended). I admire you for mailing the letter. I’m not sure I would’ve had the guts. Then again, I don’t know how I would respond if I got a letter from an ex.
Sending ample yarn thoughts your way.
Are we not all confused about something?
Why label? Well, you go girl! Love and lust with abandon regardless of orientation today or tomorrow or in your twilight years….
The important thing is to love! PERIOD!
you are so right – you have to do what is ethically/morally right in your book to bring peace. Whatever reaction JM might have is simply his own doing but you’ve made your effort and peace with it – that takes a lot of courage and you should be proud.
Have fun on your date tonight ;-D
marta, who had a pretty good time on that interview – thanks for the encouragement!
It was incredibly brave of you to write that letter. I’ve considered writing a similar letter to a friend that I fell out with but not to an ex.
I think that sexuality is a very fluid thing. I don’t like to pin labels on people or have them pinned on me but I agree that we’re all confused! 🙂
Hope that you had a wonderful date with the Doc!