Warning: I hate the phrase “trigger warning” but this is one. This post deals with violence and rape and fighting. And me, kicking ASS.
So, I want to tell you this. I’m a badass.
Once, many years ago, I attended an Impact self-defense graduation ceremony (back then it went by the strange name of Model Mugging). I was young (in my early twenties) and I was terrified of everything. I was scared to talk to people, scared to walk down the street, scared to go to sleep at night. The reason for this was multi-layered and I don’t feel like getting into exactly how my young psyche had been damaged, but one of the reasons I was scared was that I’d been raped. It was date rape (and oh, how I hate how that phrase can take the barb out of the word RAPE. Date rape, to me and many others, implied for many years that it was my fault. That it was a minor deal. It was neither).
To be honest, I didn’t even know I was going to write this part of this post until I started typing. I’ve told very few people this over the years. My mother knew. A few friends.
Until the Jian Ghomeshi shitstorm, I’d never admitted this online or in print, anywhere. The shame that’s internalized around rape is astonishing. You know me and admitting things. I LOVE to admit my deepest, darkest secrets and bring them into the light, but I’ve never admitted this. My stomach is in knots and I’m scared right now as I peck at the keys. I twittered a very little bit about my experience a few weeks ago while people were talking about Ghomeshi, and then I threw up and shook for the rest of the morning. But you know what? We have to talk about this. Among my women friends, more of them have been sexually assaulted than haven’t. This is true.
And this is so fucked up.
(No, before you ask (not like YOU would, YOU know better), this is not why I’m gay-married. I’m bisexual. I love (good) men, and I love (good) women. I just happen to be in love with my wife.)
So years and years ago, I went to that Impact graduation. I watched women fight their way away from men who were literally holding them down, picking them up, throwing them around. I wasn’t alone in crying my way through the graduation, and I vowed I would take the class someday. I vowed I would learn to be as strong as they were.
The problem was that the class wasn’t cheap. I was a broke college student for a long time, and then I was just a broke, indebted American for a long time.
Then I could afford it.
I signed up for the Basics course earlier this year, and I swear to you, I’ve never been more terrified to do something in my whole life. It’s a four day course, and by the time we were ten minutes into the class, I wanted to run. I fantasized about doing it so clearly I was surprised to find myself still standing in place.
I stayed.
First, with the help of our inspiring whistle instructor (the female teacher who’s literally right next to you during every fight, coaching you, blowing the whistle when you’ve won), we learned how to say No.
See, as women, we often don’t know how to say this effectively. And we certainly don’t know how to yell it. Our first group “No” was timid. Almost polite. A questioning, “No?” Am I doing this right?
Then, with the help of the amazing suited instructors (the men who wear the full-body suits which allow them to absorb our punches and kicks), we learned how to fight. I have to admit, I had some doubt about the men. What kind of guy would sign up to come at women menacingly? Now I know. The best kind of men. The men who want women to be safe in this world. They’re kind and generous and—honestly—pretty awe inspiring in their dedication to the cause of halting violence against women. I can’t say enough about them.
Now, in my whole life I had never hit a person who wasn’t a sister (and even when I was a kid, I was always better with words than fists). The first twenty or so times I hit a suited instructor, I apologized. I APOLOGIZED. We all did.
You know what? By the end of the class, I could take a man out. In order to graduate, we had to land several knock-out blows. Guess who managed to do this? Everyone in the class, including the ones who were much skinnier or much heavier than I was, including the ones who were twenty years younger or older than I am.
After that class, I was so much less scared. I didn’t know how much fear I carried walking in the BART parking lot at night, going out our front door in the dark, walking through the city, until that fear was lifted off. Not coincidentally, the next week, I got a bike. I wasn’t scared anymore to be knocked off it. No, I sure as heck don’t want to be knocked off my bike. I don’t want to be robbed. But now I know how to take care of myself, of my body, and I wasn’t scared for the first time in my life.
I loved Basics so much I signed up for Multiple Assailants, which I took last weekend. In this class, you’re not going so much for the knock-out blows (but those are nice to land, sure). Instead, you’re trying to land incapacitating blows, one after another; you line them up, and knock them down so you can get away and call help.
And I have to tell you, this class was even more terrifying to me than the Basics had been (with as much as I’d loved Basics, I didn’t expect this). A two-day class, I didn’t want to go either day. I literally prayed for a migraine. The first time three guys came at me, I almost lost control of my bladder.
Then, because I knew how, I fought.
I’m posting a video here of one of my fights in class.
It’s scary. If you’re tense right now, if you feel like crying while reading this, please don’t watch. Or at least don’t want alone. Watch with someone who can talk to you afterward, who can give you a hug if you need it. (This is me hugging you.) The instructors use language that’s street-real. You can tell I’m scared in this video.
But I’m also exhilarated. Those punches and kicks I’m landing might look like much, but they’re using all my strength, all my muscle, and I’m a strong woman. A normal guy who wasn’t wearing that suit would not get back up. Period. They would either be unconscious or vomiting from pain.
If you want to donate directly to Impact, go here. They always, always need the money. If you want to see if they’re in your area, click here.
Conclusion:
I don’t expect to ever have to use these skills. If mugged, I’ll give up my backpack. You can have my bike. But try to touch me? I’ll lay you OUT, motherfucker.
And that makes me feel like I can fly.
I <3 you. Thank you for sharing your hard to share story. My daughter is 14 and a second degree black belt. Strong girl. I'd hate if she had to use these skills to incapacitate someone, but oh so grateful that she can.
Love to you,
You are amazing. You are the best kind of people I know.
Honey, you are amazing. Crying right now. The men who are there to do this, to be there every day taking blow after blow and intentionally intimidating women in order to empower them and allow them to learn to defend themselves is absolutely wonderful. That would not be an easy thing to do. Taking the class would not be an easy thing to do. So inspiring. Go you!!
Too true..I also know more women that have experienced some form of assault than not. This is a club no one should be a member of.
So SO proud of you for speaking out and taking action. Multiple Assailants? This is beyond impressive and I haven’t been able to watch the video yet. Once again you are setting a fine example.
My 1st thought when reading the post about the classes was why does learning to defend ourself have to come at such a high price ? (emotionally and fiscally)
My PE teacher was raped 40 years ago-she turned her experience into incorporating self defense into our mandatory PE classes. She taught this to EVERY girl in the high school. Our final was getting free from one of the school football players.
She continued this class until her retirement.
Years later I had the opportunity to speak with her as an adult and asked her what the greatest challenge of that class was-her response was:
Twofold: getting girls to learn to say NO forcefully and learning to GET PISSED AND ON THE OFFENSIVE when physical space is infringed. We KNOW this when we are 2 years old. How and why do we unlearn it?
Thank you Rachael. You are an amazing person.(and a BADASS) xox
This is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing this Rachael – I have tears in my eyes.
You just me make love you even more. I love that you want to donate money for a scholarship for someone. When I get money on Friday, I will donate through your link. It is inspiring to hear about your experience in taking the classes. And I liked hearing the cheers in the video each time you took out one of the brave men in the suits who get punched and kicked.As for the rapist….for some reason I have the visual of at the end of the movie “Ghost” when the “friend” is taken away by the demons from hell, as Patrick Swayze’s character looks on.
Oh, Rachael. You are amazing. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that you CAN fly.
I watched it twice, crying and cheering.
As a foot in the groin knee in the nose gal myself I thank you for sharing and for naming the odious in way that offers hope to other women and warning to any would be rapist, try to touch and you WILL regret it. Much love.
Thanks for sharing your story. Kick ass and be strong my friend. You’re amazing!
You are badass, and an inspiration.
I am so freakin’ proud of you. It’s tough to say these things when we’ve been told not to make a fuss, and it’s tough to decide to voluntarily put ourselves in a terrifying situation to try to make it better. So many kudos to you!
My boyfriend teaches the same kind of self defense classes, taking the punches and kicks in the big suits, and encouraging women to find their voice and kick the crap out of him. He’s a good one too 🙂
So proud of you, for taking the class, for talking about your experience, and for helping us help others. Cried through it too. I’ve, luckily, never been assaulted, but my parents made me take Tae Kwan Do when I was a kid. I make it up to red/black belt before I quit, but have always been proud and confident in ability to kick someone’s ass if needed. I had a boyfriend accidentally slap me once (we were screwing around in my high school halls) and I had him up against the lockers and incapacitated before he could even speak. Maybe a slight overreaction, but I’m glad that I have the nerve and the strength to stand up for myself. Every woman should. 🙂
I share your story and no one in my life knows. It happened at 26 and I am 55. I don’t think of it often, but when I am out in an area with unknown people, it rears it’s ugly head, that fear. I don’t live in fear, by any means, and I continued to date and marry other men. I learned that was one bad man, and they aren’t all bad. But I don’t get close to many people. My sister says I have a “get away” bubble around me. And that is probably true. But I am happy alone, and have friends, and am doing fine. But it is always there in the background.
So proud of you. It took a lot of courage to go to that class and follow through. I just recently passed my concealed carry gun class, and received my permit. I hope to never have to pull out my weapon, but knowing it is there makes me feel like I can take care of myself. Keep on kicking ass girlfriend!
I was assaulted in my own parking lot about a month ago. I live downtown, on an alley, across the street from a bar. I don’t go out at night. Since my husband died in his sleep a year ago, I have been even more of a stay at home. I drive oh, about 20 miles a month. Me, who used to commute 176 miles ONE WAY to work. In South Central LA. Me, who was fearless and working at a Level IV prison.
It was around ten in the bright daylight. My thug was a skinny white kid, braids, bandana like Willy Nelson. Great big gnawed of jean cutoffs. Converse runners. Black socks. Bitten to the quick nails. He was on a little bicycle, with the gorilla handlebars and a great big yellow banana seat.He grabbed my shoulder and my handbag and whirled me around, saying “Your money or your life”. My first thought was…dude, you watch too much television. I was so scared and taken aback, I couldn’t scream. All I could think of was my own date rape scenario. My own molestation that happened before I had words. My own entire life of being afraid.
So I said, it a very quiet voice (psycho quiet), “If you knock me down you better be sure you kill me. Because when I get up, I am going to beat you with this purse and shove that bicycle up. Your. Ass. Then I ‘m going across the street and have a Coke. Then I’ll come back to see if I have to call the cops about a dead guy or a guy who will wish he was dead.”
He dropped me like I was hot and pedaled off as fast as he could go. I called the cops and the officer said that I scared HIM. Then I did my little errand run, came home, got into a hot tub and cried until I had no more tears. I parked my car across the street for a week before I decided that enough of my life is ruled by being afraid.
Until I can find a class, I’ll just be careful.My giant dog will be happy to go anywhere with me. But I know I am not the only woman is lives in fear. I have a carry permit. I have pepper spray and a taser. I worked with the worst criminals on the planet. But the reality is that in prison, I knew who was a rabid dog. On the streets, I don’t. I’ve been beaten before and had bones broken (courtesy of a long ago spouse, back in the day before domestic and violence were a thing). It’s not something I ever want to experience again.
I am so proud of you, Rach. Not only did you take two very scary classes but you taked about being scared. Not uncomfortable scared or dry mouth scared but pee scared. I think women live in a culture of fear that men cannot even imagine. Admitting to that level of scared is not a sexy statement. It’s scary to admit it and it is scary to identify with it.
Thank you so much Rachael for sharing something so personal and devastating with all of us. I love how you’ve empowered yourself and are looking to empower other women as well I do hope your rapist gets herpes and it’s so painful he’s in constant agony. Oh and I wish hemorrhoids on him too.
By the way, you rock, and knit, but there’s no denying how awesome and amazing you are.
Watching the video made me cry. It might be, I’m hormonal and I get weepy from anything. But something about watching you overcome your fear and become this powerful force – wow. You are so right about shame and stigmas, they suck. And we need to share and talk about all the hard stuff: rape, abuse, assault, abortion. Thank you for being so brave. Feeling all the emotions! xoxo
Brave, BADASS woman. Thank you for telling us, for speaking it.
May we live to see the day when women need not walk their lives in fear.
You are so brave. I just try to keep up. <3
You are a wonder woman! Thank you for this post Rachael…I have no doubt you have already changed lives. (Me hugging you).
I’ve always known you were amazing, now I’m completely sure. The strongest part of you is your spirit. What a blessing.
All the best.
This made me cry. I am so proud of you and all the other women who are learning to use their voices and bodies to take care of themselves. You ARE a badass!!!
I was afraid to watch it, and when I finally did, I cried my eyes out. You are so brave, and even though it was a class I can’t imagine how scared you must have been. You are a bad ass. An amazing inspiring bad ass.
I LOL’d on that last kick to the head. Not because I find any of this the least bit amusing, but because it was the right thing to do. Even with the cartoonish helmets and knowing it was staged, it was difficult to watch. I can’t imagine how difficult it was to be the focus of that trio’s attention. Thanks for sharing the story, the video, and your evolution.
Proud of you Rachel for telling your story and inspiring me to think about how I and my daughters can protect ourselves. You are brave, funny and a wonderful role model.
I disregarded the trigger warning at first because I didn’t think I had anything to trigger, but seeing those guys coming at you and menacing you had me tensing up and cringing away from my screen, despite knowing it wasn’t a real attack. I’m so glad I watched all the way to the end though, because you are indeed a BADASS. I’m so proud of you. And so grateful to those guys who do this to help women. I think this is one of the few things that actually deserves the #notallmen hashtag.
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing this.
It is inspiring, and unfortunately-sadly-necessary. Women everywhere need to be able to protect themselves, and to know that it is ok to do so. If my tiny donation can help give one more woman the skills to do that it will be the best money I’ve spent all year.
Thank you for sharing your story, and your empowerment. Until the day when there is no need for fear, these stories need to be heard.
Good on you, Rachel. This is the kind of thing I have been trying to teach my daughters since they were “too young” for it – to me, this is one of the things that will help us get to that longed-for reality where women can walk without fear the fastest.
You, my dear, are absolutely badass, and inspirational, and amazing in so many ways!
“Date rape” and “molestation” are words that were introduced to make our abusers feel better about what they do to us. I was not molested as a kid, I was raped. Then, I wasn’t strong enough to stand up for myself, but I gave that up many years ago when I decided that allowing myself to live in fear was letting them win. They had taken enough from me, and many years ago I quit living like a victim. I am a survivor!
I taught my kids (boys and girls) to pay attention to their surroundings, trust their instincts, and that politness was something the other person earned by their behavior. We will never start a fight, but we will fight hard to put an end to it! Loved your video. You rock!!
Oh sweetie I cried reading your story but Oh My Goodness my heart cheered for you watching you kick those guys asses!!!! I’m so proud of you!!! I noticed a new self confidence about you Thursday and even mentioned to Dad that there was something different goin on with you!!! You are always beautiful dear but you were extremely MORE something this time!!! Now I know…..you are empowered!!! Dad watched the video with me and WOW it was amazing but stay away from high windows I didn’t notice any wings the other day!!! LOL…. Love you Rachael!!
<3 you!! Thanks for your beautiful heart an sharing.
J
Thank you for sharing your personal story. I’ve been one of the lucky ones, but watching your video made me doubly grateful that my parents signed up me for kungfu and self-defense lessons when I was young. I’m so proud that you took the class and were able to face your fears and knock down those guys! Hugs!
I’m so sorry about what happened to you, but so proud of you for what you made happen! You are so strong and such an inspiration, and don’t you forget it.
I am so, so happy for you to know you can take care of yourself. I have always known that any fight worth fighting is worth fighting dirty — I hope I will remember that if I ever need to. You rule!
So, so proud of you. And,yes, I am all teary. And SO p*ssed at my national broadcaster for allowing that situation to exist. You GO Grrrlll.
I already knew you were kickass, and now this just graphically demonstrates it.
Thank you for sharing this.
Tears after watching this. Not sure why. Maybe because you show such gumption, Rachael. Good for you. Wish more could take this course. Unfortunately, we need it. You are so generous with your timing in telling us the details and with your encouragement to donate. You are an inspiration.
You are a rock star.
You are awesome.
Years ago I went to a self-defense class with my then-boyfriend’s sister. I was literally the only woman in the room who would put weight into my punches. There were at least 20 of us. My mind was completely blown.
My sister and I both practiced tae kwon do with full-contact sparring in elementary and middle school. We wore pads and helmets and beat the f*ck out of one another. It made for great entertainment on long summer days. Also, it means that twenty-odd years later, neither one of us would dream of throwing a punch that couldn’t break through a 2×4. That is simply not how one punches.
Keep kicking ass, and enjoy the liberty that comes with knowing you can hold your own. (In addition to which, if one has the aura of confidence from that knowledge, and is clearly aware of the surroundings, one ceases to be perceived as a soft target. Thus, knowing damn well that you can and will fight when need be can often be a deterrent to needing those skills.)
I hope your newfound power helps you heal the old wounds, though I am truly sorry that they are there in the first place.
Let’s all have more conversations like these!
Thank you, Rachael. For your bravery and courage. Thank you.
Thank you for such an inspiring post. I hope many women will seek self defence training because of your thoughts here.
I was attacked on campus many years ago and escaped by squeezing one of the creep’s testicles really hard. He was still curled up in agony when the police arrived 20 minutes later!
I can’t understand why they don’t they teach girls this at school?
I don’t know why they don’t teach it! I’m sorry that happened to you and GOOD FOR YOU! Thanks for sharing.
A previous poster asked why girls weren’t taught to squeeze a guy’s testicles in a self defence situation.
I went to a private girls-only school near London and we attended a very comprehensive self – defence course in which attacks to the testicles were covered in detail. We were taught to punch, knee & kick the testicles, and even the correct angle to do so for maximum effect!
As for grabbing the testicles, we learned that a girl’s hand is not really strong enough to damage the testicles when gripped together, and that it was more effective to jerk them downwards which would be agony for the man – possibly ripping the epididymis from the back of the organs. On the other hand, if you did get a good grip on just one testicle, then it is (just) possible to rupture it which would be absolutely excruciating for him.
Incidentally, some years ago a girl called Amanda Monti was jailed for malicious injury to her boyfriend when she grabbed his testicles and pulled on them. The skin of the scrotum split and she pulled one of them right off of his body. She actually tried to swallow it to hide the evidence!! (Google it if you don’t believe me)
I like your books. I took a similar course a couple decades when I was in community college. I still remember the fear. It wasn’t a year later I was assaulted outside a club in the parking lot.
You are not exaggerating about the power of your blows. I can’t remember exactly what I did, but when it was over and the other one had ran off, two of them were on the ground and not getting up. I was bruised myself (my knee especially) and my dress was torn.
They were still there when the bouncers came out and when the police and ambulance came. I was crying like crazy by then. One of them was also. I cried on and off for days and during the trial.
It’s good in hindsight I was able to injure them so they did not get away and ended up serving jail time.
I spent sometime as a teaching assistant in the same class I took while in college. In the 10 years I taught we had a few other success stories. I advise any woman to find a class and learn to defend yourself. I never knew a woman who regretted it, and for a couple it probably saved their life.
A broken bone or smashed testicles on a rapist is a good thing. The more we ladies are trained to fight back, the better.
THANK YOU for sharing your experience. Proud of you, too. I’m sorry you had to go through that. xo
Kim, can you explain what you meant when you said ( We were taught to punch, knee & kick the testicles, and even the *correct angle* to do so for maximum effect! ) & ( it was more effective to jerk them downwards – the testicles) Please explain, thank you.
Hi Kelly
This was quite a few years back now, so I hope I can remember this correctly.
The testicles normally hang loosely in the scrotum, but when a guy is aroused they are drawn up against his body. Even so, they have the tendency to slip out of the way of any blow thus avoiding getting squished. Therefore, if you are delivering a blow with your fist/knee/foot you have to come up from underneath so that you crush them against his body instead of pushing them aside.
Whenever you get the opportunity, feel the back of a guy’s testicles. you will notice that the vas deferens(the tube that carries sperm up from his balls) doesn’t go straight into the testicle, but joins at the bottom of a bundle of tubes, nerves(LOTS of those!) and blood vessels called the epididymis. This is by far the most sensitive part of a guy’s body and is loosely attached the back of each testicle(give it a little squeeze & watch his reaction-its priceless!). If you grip one testicle at the top firmly and jerk it downwards full force, apparently it’s possible to tear this structure off of the back of the testicle. This will sterilise the gland and is the kind of painful that makes us really glad to be female!
There you go…..the benefits of a private education!
Thank you so much for the info, that clears up things a little. I’ve been told that the kick or knee needs to trap the testicle so it can’t move. In that way the incoming blow can crush the testicle, but it’s vary hard to do because the testicles naturally move aside. I have a few more questions, is there a way I could Email you ?
Well done Rachael for overcoming your fears and taking the classes. You were incredibly brave and it’s made you a stronger woman. I loved reading about your experience and I hope that other women reading your story become inspired by you.
As a female solo traveler of many years and a womens self defense instructor, I’d like to share a safety tip of my own which I hope you and your female readers will read, remember, and share with many other women and girls far and wide.
I have been teaching Krav Maga to women and girls for over five years and we teach a very effective technique which I feel should should be in every woman and girls arsenal. We are a women only event, run by women, for women, and there is an extremely effective technique what we teach to women of all ages, which I feel we should all share as far and wide with as many others as possible.
The technique is the “groin grab” self defense technique which is to be used against a male attacker, which is now taught in many womens self defense classes, and there is actually a little trick to it…
To execute this technique, you’re going to take your hand and quickly grasp between the attackers thighs underhand. Its going to feel like you’re “cradling” the testicles. Quickly grab hold of, or snatch the testicles and dig your fingertips into the fragile skin BEHIND the scrotum. Then, once you have a good grip, you turn your hand into a vice, with your fingers digging inwards, around the back and over the top of the testicles. If you do it right, you should feel the testes INSIDE your hand which is holding the scrotum. You want, whenever possible, to hook your fingers over and around at least one testicle. One of them is enough.
Then, with your hands in a claw and your fingertips latched around the testes, you turn your hand sharply, as though you were turning a doorknob. Simultaneously, squeeze hard and pull the testicles away from his body as fast and as hard as you can. DO NOT LET GO OF THEM! This is very important. What happens then, is that your assailant usually screams out in pain and then tries to grab the wrist of your hand holding him in a futile attempt to try to get you to release him. DON’T. He then quickly loses one of the natural advantages he usually has over us (his strength) within a matter of seconds. Vomiting, curling over, collapsing and convulsing is common. Shock and unconsciousness can set in within 8 seconds.
If he initially starts to fight back while you have a hold on his testicles then you tuck your head in and keep squeezing his testicles until he faints. This only takes a matter of seconds. When he collapses, which he will, you get away to safety as quickly as possible and call for help. I’ve heard of two older women who dragged their attackers to a place of safety while holding them by the testicles. It may sound odd but testicles are so vulnerable and sensitive that this technique also works very well for women. I also like to share the story of the woman who was threatened with the words “do as I say or else…” by the younger man who attacked her, but she turned the situation around and he eventually ended up collapsing and begging her to phone the police while she maintained a tight grip on his testicles.
It’s never too late to perform this technique at any stage of an attack, and that even includes the option of reaching down if he’s on top of you, but it is easiest to do when the testicles are exposed and closest to you where you can grab hold of them. I’ve actually met several women in my life who have fought off their attackers in this way and one did it when her attacker was on top of her and raping her at the point he lost control. Don’t ever hold back. Some women scream while they are doing this, and some women think of a loved one being harmed to help overcome any bad feelings of hurting someone else even if they are being hurt themselves. Do whatever you have to do if you feel it helps.
If done properly, and done with enough force, this technique can even lead to the testicles rupturing. It’s actually easier to do than most women believe, and just about all of us have the capability to injure an attackers testicles in this way – whether we are young girls still of school age, or whether we are great grandmothers. We, as women have no part of our bodies as vulnerable as a mans testicles. After all, if you think about it testicles are just small objects of extreme vulnerability to pain squishiness wrapped in a delicate layer of skin which offers them no protection at all from this kind of counterattack by a woman. Most importantly, this fact holds true no matter what size your attacker is, nor how strong he is. And no matter how angry he is, and how much he’s threatened what he’s going to do to you, he’s going to drop. Don’t let anyone (usually men who are very uncomfortable with thoughts of women beating them in combat) try to convince you otherwise.
I once worked with a group of Somali women who informed me that grandmothers, mothers, and daughters between generations shared this powerful method of fighting off men. They even have a name for it in Somalia and they call the move “Qworegoys”. They were surprised that women in the West didn’t seem to share this information as much as they expected them to, and even more surprised that most women didn’t even seem aware of this technique.
I know that this advice would have been a difficult read for many women, but our lives are worth far more than a rapists testicles and we should be prepared to do whatever it takes to get away to safety. Please help to share this advice with as many other women and girls as far and wide as possible in any way you can help. It could one day be a life saver.
Great advice, and thank you! <3
The opportunity to squeeze a man’s testicles isn’t always available, and contrary to what I read on too many sights, it does Not always yield the results as described. Far too much information on using a man’s testicles for rape defense is Not reliable. My loving and vary understanding boyfriend taught me that not all men succumb to the pain of a testicle squeeze. After a lengthy discussion on the topic, he gave me permission to squeeze his. Not a gentle squeeze, but a full power squeeze, no holding back. And to make it more painful and easier for me, my squeeze was concentrated on a single testicle. Just like some people say is the best and the most painful way because you can better control one testicle and devote all your strength to hurting or even rupturing it.
For the first few seconds I went easy, not wanting to really hurt my guy. But what I was doing wasn’t causing him the kind of debilitating pain I’d been all but guaranteed by random sights. Seeing what I was doing to him wasn’t working, I then squeezed with all I had and felt his testicle start to flatten and change shape under my grip. He did groan and tense up but didn’t beg me to stop, he said it did hurt but he wasn’t even close to fainting. I work out and have slender but strong fingers, so that wasn’t the problem. After almost a full minute I stopped because my hand was cramping. I couldn’t believe it, I squeezed for a full minute, way more than the fictional 8 seconds that I’ve read will make All men pass out in agony. I checked his reddened testicle after my squeeze and couldn’t find any damage, it was sore but fine. Keep in mind that I had time to grasp and find a good grip on his naked testicle before the squeezing started. What rapist is going to allow you to do that.
My sensei (A woman) also agrees with what I learned. Every man has a different pain tolerance and women are done a great disservice with this kind of random (always works, no fail) kind of information. If this kind of tactic (The Testicle squeeze) always worked, then why are so many women raped each year? In the dojo I attend, I’ve seen women getting in some groin kicks that didn’t stop the male combatant from finishing the match. Slow him down or make him walk funny, sure, but end the match, No. Only about half the time did the man have to end the match due to extreme testicle pain.
In our dojo we have a challenge match, my sensei calls them reality challenges because just like the real world, there is no gear warn. No groin or chest protectors are allowed, just like in the real world. A kick or knee to the testicles is allowed as is an elbow or punch to the breasts, for upper classmen. So when I witnessed the groin kicks in a match, there was no cup protecting the males testicles. What about the other guys, the ones that can take a squeeze or a kick. What if you meet one of those, what will you do? I used to ask myself the same question.
My boyfriend proved it to me, women aren’t being taught the truth and its way more complicated than a basic squeeze or kick. If you’re going to attack a guys balls for defense, you’d better learn how first, and if you miss, you’re unlikely to get a second chance. He showed me a few methods that work even if you meet a guy with iron balls, his words not mine. There’s a defiantly right and wrong ways.
The testicle twist is also ridiculous; your wrist only turns about 200 degrees in a controlled environment. Under the stress of an attack and in a compromised position, you might only get 150 or 160 degrees. Why is that important? Because a man’s testicles hang loose in his scrotum and can be twisted a full revolution or more before he suffers any real discomfort and nowhere near the pain level to incapacitate him. I know this for a fact because once again my loving man let me learn the truth by twisting his. I twisted his as far as I could and he was in no pain.
It’s like the old joke, if you read it on the net, it must be true. I wonder if someone writes about some unproven technique and claims it works, and just like that, everyone just believes it solely because the writer claims it as true. Problem is that a woman may read about this Bantha fodder (my teacher is a huge Star Wars fan) and believe it can save her from a rapist when the technique is worthless and now she’s really pist off the rapist. For attacking his balls, it might rape and murder now.
It the book Fear or Freedom, Susan E. Smith writes in her (Last Resort Techniques), quote (After twisting the testicles, it takes approximately five seconds before the assailant passes out or goes into shock) unquote. According to my guy, who has the testicles to know, the twist is a joke and now that I tested the technique, I completely agree. The testicle twist is worthless. Some of the information in her book is spot on and other parts are (Bantha Fodder).
Hi, I’m a guy & my wife asked me to comment on this thread to give a man’s perspective.
Firstly, I have indeed met a guy who had “numb nuts” and could take a squeeze as described by the last poster. However, I can assure you that he is in a very small minority of guys who can endure a hard squeeze by a female hand. Most of us find it to be agonising and debilitating.
Years ago, my first girlfriend had a friend you was a veterinary assistant. She claimed to have assisted in the neutering of many dogs and, as you may have noticed, the testicles of most dogs are roughly the size of a man’s. Being interested in self defence, she took the opportunity to examine many of the organs before disposing of them. She claimed that, after “some practice!!” she was able to rupture a testicle using the fingers of both hands. I have no reason to disbelieve her story, and if a woman was able to achieve this when attacked I can assure you the resulting agony would definitely incapacitate him!
The “twist” that the last poster mentioned is actually not to cause pain as such, but to retain the testicles within the scrotum so they do not slip from your grasp when you squeeze or yank on them.
When learning how to defend yourselves, obviously learn a range of techniques so if one doesn’t work you can try others until your attacker is subdued. There are plenty of success stories by women who have fought off an attack for you to read and learn from.
Be safe, ladies x
This could so easily degenerate into a he said, she said debate and that holds no interest for me. I’m speaking of what I’ve experienced and witnessed firsthand in our dojo. Yes, about fifty percent of the kicks and knees do slow or even stop a male in his tracks, but right there lays the problem. I certainly wouldn’t want to be responsible for claiming that a woman can rely on a technique to disable her attacker when the facts prove otherwise.
It’s truly a rare occurrence when an untrained victim fights off an attack using one of the techniques written about here, on the web or is poorly described in a woman’s defense book. The quote I gave came word for word from the woman’s defense book (Fear or Freedom). The writer’s inability to properly describe a technique is on her. For the record, if techniques like the ones described here, on line and in various books do work, then explain why are so many attacks on women are completed, from the rapist’s standpoint.
The last study I read found on average, that there are some 321,500 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States including the women I’ve known personally. And how many stories are there about a girl or woman defending herself by the techniques described here, on the net or in a book each year? Less than 30, and that was a generous number. I don’t think there’s much of a debate here. Weekend or after work defense lesson aren’t working, If they were we wouldn’t see the number of sexual assaults in the three hundred thousand plus area.
Back to the main point, as a woman talking to a girl or woman of any age, I think it’s a crime to prime her brain with unreliable nonsense when her life maybe at risk. Twisting a guys balls 180 degrees in a vain attempt to keep them where you want is far more likely to add further difficulty to the almost imposable task of hurting him enough to avoid a brutal fist bashing that might send a woman into unconsciousness. Play fighting against someone in a clown suite that won’t fight back is also next to useless and falsely inspires a sense of empowerment if the class ends there without a reality class to fallow. No attacker is going to pull down his pants and offer up his balls to you and promise not to retaliate for the first 60 seconds. If a woman is going to attack her assailants balls, she better know how or try something else.
Your num nuts remark seems a bit juvenile and maybe even envious that some guys can take more testicular pain then others but that fact is at the heart of my point. Every guy’s pain tolerance is different and it’s not written on his shirt so a lady better know what she’s doing before she makes her move.