Hello. My name is Annoyed. There is really only one thing bugging me, but it’s a good one, and I can’t seem to let it go.
Briefly, because the long story is just too tedious: There’s a member of my 4-member home-owner’s association (at the condo, which we still have) who is an ass. He hasn’t paid back dues in more than a year. He’s demanding the roof and his bathroom be fixed before he pays dues (he says his bathroom is in this state due to the roof leaking, me, I’m not so sure). We say he needs to pay dues, and then the HOA will happily fix everything that needs to be done, as long as its an HOA problem. We all want our property to appreciate, that’s not at issue. We just need money to fix things, dude.
What’s at issue is that he’s an ASS. Seriously. It would be so easily resolved if he would just grow up and quit sending stupid emails. It would be even better if he would write and say, "I’m sorry for being such a problem. I’m going to eat crayons now." Yes, that would be good.
See? I’m venting HERE and not in an email to the other members. Oh, this could be fun. Wait, here’s what I WOULD write:
No, hold on a second. I started to write that out, and I didn’t like where I was going or how it was making my head feel, so I erased it. HE’S the one shouting, I can be the cool one here. I just hate the mind-arguments I have with people like him. Driving home this morning, I thought of about fifteen stunning things I could say to him that would drive home to him just how stooopid he is, and how he should do the right thing, and then my brain would spin and I would imagine the next thing he might say, and what I would say, and and and. I got up after five hours sleep, knowing that once my brain started arguing with him, I wouldn’t get any more rest.
Now, when it comes down to him, he’s not a threat. I don’t think it will go to legal action. I don’t think he could manage that — he hasn’t managed to put up a mailbox that he promised to put up last year. And I’m not really sure what he could sue us for, since he’s been the one stopping the HOA from taking any positive action. If he did, however, we’d just sue him right back for HOA dues.
Do you have ANY idea how much I don’t want to deal with this? (Oh, yeah, the escrow on the sale fell through, and we’re just going to rent out the place. Thus, having to deal with HOA crap again.)
But the mind-chatter, the mental anger and frustration. How do you turn that off? That’s my real question. I know with my logical mind that this is not a big deal — he just needs to pay his dues, and the HOA needs to decide who to hire to fix the roof and any resulting rain damage. It’s hard just having only four members, you know? Two are sane, one is an ASS, and one just moved in this week and will be entirely confused by old matters and frictions. Poor him.
I have to just let it go. I can’t do anything right now. I’m at work. I can’t do anything tomorrow, since I just need to sleep because I’m coming back in for an extra long shift tomorrow afternoon. Then I can’t do anything because it’s the weekend. So I should let it go. Stop thinking. Stop obsessing. Stop picking apart his crazy email, ridiculing spelling errors and lapses in logic.
Grrr.
But there aren’t many things that make me feel like this, and that’s a blessing. And I have a wonderful new dog at home that I miss like crazy. And a girl that I miss even more who’s seeing Hank III in the city tonight. So, with your permission and encouragement, I Won’t Worry Anymore.
You have my permission to have a cold beer and say to heck with it.
If you get that shut-off-the-internal-dialogue thing worked out, let me know. Gah.
You need a bit of distance and perspective, I think. And you can’t control HIM, only how you respond and react to him. He isn’t worth the aggravation he’s causing you.
Oh lord — the imaginary arguments! That’s how I knew it was time to quit my last job: I couldn’t have a shower without also having an imaginary and vicious argument with the crrraaaazzy owner of the firm. There I’d be, nekkid, telling off the shampoo bottle. Not as relaxing as bathing ought to be. Mind you, I always won those arguments. That shampoo bottle couldn’t debate its way out of a wet paper bag.
But eating crayons is kinda funny. You still have your sense of humor.
Find a friend who can give you some special time and be attentive, and vent until you either scream or cry. That always does it for me. Then you can have a nice exhausted sleep and not think about the ASS any more.
oh i’m having internal arguments myself. unfortunately the person i’m angry with isn’t an ass, just crazy. and i’m all about being empathetic about people with certain problems but it is beginning to bug the fuck out of me when they don’t do anything about it. and their employers appease them and validate their feelings of paranoia by sending out patronizing emails on their behalf telling us to understand what a valuable member of the fucking team she is and would we please totally change our method of doing things just so that she doesn’t go insane.
HEY IT’S NOT MY PROBLEM!!! STOP MAKING IT MY PROBLEM!!!! I HAVE 10 OTHER SITES LIKE YOURS TO DEAL WITH!!!!
hi, thanks for that. feel free to leave such a comment on my blog.
OH MY!
First off, BREATHE~
There are some things we cannot control and this sounds like one of them. He is being childish and annoying. He should be sent to his room to think about his stupidity.
It is the weekend, enjoy your puppies and enjoy La, go for a long walk, look up to the sky and think about the this whole thing in the big scope of things. Then
BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The best way I know to deal with obsessive thoughts is to very consciously turn your mind away from it to something else. Mind you, this is easier to do if there’s actually something INTERESTING or FUN like a dog nearby to hug or play with, or something. It’s harder if you’re just driving around and can’t get away from stuff. But as soon as you can, grab something engrossing and fun, and then it’ll be easier to let crap like that go.
It is hard to let it go especially when dealing with a total ass-crack of a person. The dude sounds totally unreasonable. You just have to accept that he can not be reasonable. He is a huge douchebag. My suggestion (and this has worked for me in trying to let go of annoying people causing brain chatter I can’t seem to stop) is to take a photo of him or draw a picture of him, if you have no photo. Then hold the photo/picture over the toilet and light it on fire (it should be a small photo/paper, don’t want to burn the house down or clog the toilet), drop it in the bowl and then pee on it. If he’s really really making you angry have Lala pee on it too. Then flush it away along with all the bad thoughts. Gross but it’s fun and it works.
I say it and it will be so: You Will Not Worry Anymore.
or if you do, it will be something worth worrying about like why is carolyn getting so fat and what can rachael do to help her? 🙂
I get into those head arguments with people all the time, and usually when I actually do come down to the confrontation, it’s not as bad as my mind played it out. Hope that will be the case here. And congratulations on your new baby! Don’t you love big dogs? Maggie is a Golden Retriever and my best friend. I’ve had a small dog, too, and though the upkeep is “bigger” and more expensive, they are so intuitive and fun. Enjoy her!
Eating crayons!!! What a visual. I just had to google it to see if there was a recent trend in crayon consumption. Yup!! http://shrinkette.blogspot.com/2005/02/urge-to-eat-crayons.html
Then of course since the guy is an ASS it reminded me of go pack sand for some reason.
He can’t sue the HOA because he’d be suing himself. The HOA, however, can go after him for his back fees.
Being in property management, we have a few condos. On the bright side, at least your association (board) seems to actually get the work done. The one that I work with is great, but they also ousted the former board for billing for, but not doing the work. Keep strong!! There is always going to be that one ASS that is vocal about his disagreement.
It’s hard to imagine that such a dickwad would be able to scrape up enough money to even afford ANY property in California, much less in a desirable area of the state. Crackass.
What a jerk. I have terrible internal arguments, too… sometimes from years ago!
That is the only dark spot clouding my complete adoration of my NJ apartment: the nightmare that is owning property with other people.
Have I ever told you you’re beautiful when you’re angry?
(Chicks love it when you say that.)
I could go kick his ass if you’d like. I may be small, but I can be rather tenacious with the right motivation.
I’m just a lurker here, but I had to add my 2 (there’s no cent key on my computer!). I’m the president of an HOA in S. Cal, and if this guy hasn’t paid his dues in over a year, the rest of the HOA can foreclose, ie, force him to sell, or pay his back dues. It’s all legal, and if this jackhat is upsetting you and the other homeowners that much, and if the HOA can’t afford to fix the roof without his back dues, then maybe it is time to take action.
Remember: you’re effectively in business with this dolt, and he is damaging your INVESTMENT in/property value of your condo by not performing his fiduciary duty. You CAN do something to stop the internal arguments. Get on the web and find a company that specializes in this kind of problem, and let them deal with him!
Several separate issues here.
Completely unrelated to one another.
1. If he is in arrears on his fees there are legal means to pursue.
2. If the damage to his property is due to the condo’s neglect they should pay for it.
3. That he is an ass has nothing to do with either of the above.
Darling, imaginary arguments are the best, really. You always are brilliant and win.
Eating crayons, eh? I couldn’t resist sharing this link. Crayons have never looked so appetizing. http://alittlepregnant.typepad.com/photos/taste_the_rainbow/index.html
So no help from me, except for maybe a laugh. I hope the situation gets better soon.
Singing REALLY loud with the top down on your car makes the arguements impossible to hear…
and YOU can SING, girl…
xoxoxox
Would you like me to run him over in my van? I know I make this offer indiscriminately to many, however realy, it sounds like a plan.
And yeah, if you get that internal dialogue thingie under control I’d appreciate hearing about it, seeing I don’t seem to be able to sleep more than two hours in a row right now.
You not only have permission but you know inside it is pointless – as my dad back home in NZ always says “just home many kinds of stoopid are there?…”
Yeah. If you ever figure out how to turn off that mind-chatter, please let me know…No matter how logical you are, it’s easier said than done. 🙂
I cant tell you how to let things go… cause really am ever so incompetent at that zen etc stuff. I do the EXACT same thing you do 🙂
but if you ever find out the key to life like that… please do share 🙂 And in the meantime hope he steps in dog crap!