Caftans will surprise even the best of us.

I have fallen in love with caftans!

This is mandatory, I’ve heard, at age 46, which I became last week. I like to follow the rules, so I jumped on board immediately.

What’s a caftan? Honestly, I don’t know the difference between a caftan, a kaftan, or a muumuu. Thankfully, Google would tell me. Also thankfully, I’ve realized I just don’t care.

I got the bug because I wanted to get a sexy muukaft (let’s call it that, shall we?) to wear while performing in my yacht rock (70s soft rock) band, SAUSALITO. (Should you like us on Facebook? Yes, you should!). I thought to myself, muukafts are sexy, aren’t they?

I quickly learned that no, not all caftans are sexy. Most were frightening, in fact. So I asked Twitter where they got their caftans, because Twitter is definitely a 46-year-old woman when it’s not being a 13-year-old Nazi, and it told me about this vendor.

I got this one:

It’s gorgeous, isn’t it? And in person, it’s just as good. It’s soft and flowy and cotton and most of all, COOL in this California heat wave. It’s been 82 inside all week, and I’ve learned they’re just what the doctor ordered when it comes to a hot day with no air conditioning. I like this one because I can tuck the sides up, under that elastic empire waist. KLASSY.

But I also have to take a moment to point out the photo fallacy here. I don’t fall for it in clothing so much anymore. Sweaters: never. I know what will look good on me before I cast stitches onto my needles.

And in ready-to-wear, I usually know if I see a dress with a high neck or a low waist, it’s not going to look good on me. Give a v-necked wrap dress, and I’m golden. This is a v-neck, and it does work. I feel pretty in it.

But girl, do I not look like she does in it:

I match our kitchen, don’t I? All old cabinets and stacked cookbooks. I look like I’m about to host the keyswap party for the local librarians, A LOOK I COVET, Y’ALL.

But I did think I’d look like the model when I ordered it. I’m still surprised I don’t.

And it’s okay. I love what I ended up with. Kaftmuus can (and probably will) surprise you. Now I need more of them because I’ve already been wearing this for two days.