#BlackLivesMatter — that’s the conversation we’re having. The conversation is not #AllLivesMatter. I'm talking to you, my kind, liberal (and conservative!) friends who vote and eat college-educated meat and read the New York Times and believe gays should get married if they want to register at Target for a waffle iron they'll never use. You are against racism. I know. Let's talk about why #AllLivesMatter is just wrong.
(If you left an “all lives matter” message on my Facebook, thank you, friend. I know what you meant by it, and I think you’re darling. Yes. We want all beings to be happy, safe, and well. People of all races, genders, and sexual orientations suffer harassment and deserve better. But we shouldn’t co-opt this particular message, and here’s why it can be dangerous and inherently racist to do so.)
The BlackLivesMatter movement was started by three queer black women. Their message was simple—
#BlackLivesMatter doesn’t mean your life isn’t important–it means that Black lives, which are seen as without value within White supremacy, are important to your liberation…We’re not saying Black lives are more important than other lives, or that other lives are not criminalized and oppressed in various ways. We remain in active solidarity with all oppressed people who are fighting for their liberation and we know that our destinies are intertwined.
When we drop the word Black, we further the racist legacy of erasing black lives, something our country has always done.
The conversation we are having this week is about the 9 killed in Charleston, South Carolina, at Emmanuel AME Church in a terrorist attack (defined as: the use of violence to intimidate a segment of a population in furtherance of a social objective). Edited to add: Even Fox news agrees.
The conversation last week was about unarmed black children being held down forcefully when found to be in the wrong space. The conversation before that was about Tamir Rice. And before that, Michael Brown. And before that, Eric Garner. I won't go on, but of course, I could.
“There are black people in America dying because of racism.” W. Kamau Bell, a comedian who lives in Oakland, said this six months ago.
In January, you may have heard, he was book shopping while his wife and child ate at a sidewalk cafe with some friends in Elmwood. He stopped by to show them the book he’d bought. He’s black. The women he was talking to were white. Let's make sure we understand this:
He was a black man standing next to a table full of white women, talking to them.
Then employees of the restaurant told him to scram. To git.
He was told to leave the property because he was a black man, harassing the white ladies. They tried to chase him away from his wife.
He was recently on This American Life, talking about the community meeting he organized after this happened (worth a listen, or fascinating transcript here).
At that meeting, UC Berkeley professor Nikki Jones asked everyone to think of the world in terms of black space and white space. She said that people have ideas about black space: that it’s poor, that it’s the ghetto. Just about everywhere else is white space.
And this: Black people have a special burden to bear when they are in white space—black people have to prove they are worthy of BEING in white space.
How rare it is, she said, for white people to have that experience, of going into black space.
Here’s where I puffed up with pride. I wanted to raise my hand, even though I was listening in my car. Me, call on me! I live in one of those so-called "bad" neighborhoods, a black neighborhood! When we moved here, people stared at us when we walked the dogs. They still do. I can count on two hands the times I’ve seen other white people walking in my neighborhood in the past nine years.
That means I understood it more. By dint of where I live, I was—automatically—more sympathetic to the plight of black America because I saw more, witnessed more.
But I was shaken to my core when Bell pointed out the obvious fact that I can leave whenever I want.
I have a white passport.
I had never thought this clearly about it.
I live in a black neighborhood in Oakland, sure. This means precisely nothing. The fact remains that I can dive headfirst into white space (the grocery store, the sushi restaurant, the library) AT ANY MOMENT without anything to prove. I can go just about anywhere I want. Without being stopped, without being harassed, without being in danger. I belong.
WHITE LIVES ALREADY MATTER.
In our country, black people have to prove they deserve to exist in white space (and a hell of a lot of people don’t think they do).
If you’ve ever given a black man on the sidewalk an extra once-over just to make sure he’s not doing anything hinky, you’re guilty of this. I’m guilty of this. We’re guilty of this because, as Americans, racism is our legacy.
I used to think I was better than most at understanding racism, at being sensitive to it, at not letting it anywhere near me. Let’s face it, we all tend to think we’re better than others—it’s a human failing, and maybe it’s what keeps us reaching to do better. But the real, painful truth is that I’m just accidentally privileged, by virtue of my skin color.
Kadijah Means, an 18-year-old Oakland social activist said at Bell's community meeting: "Focus less on color blindness, because honestly, you're not going to get a gold star for that. Be more color competent."
That was my sin–thinking I could somehow become color blind if I just tried hard enough. Turns out I need more competence in the subject. So I implore you: Please think before you try to erase the word Black from this conversation. It NEEDS to be said.
My mother was so proud she'd been witness to and a part of the Civil Rights movement. "We Shall Overcome" was, literally, one of the very first songs I ever learned from her. She would hate that I had to write this today, more than fifty years later.
Black people are dying because of racism. Today.
This has to change. We are the ones who have to effect that change.
UPDATE:
I just watched a Ted talk by Jay Smooth, and I think he gets it right when he says that our own pockets of racism are not like tonsils, which you either have or don't have*. It's more like plaque on our teeth, something we all have to work on. We don't stop brushing our teeth because we're already clean. I HATE it when someone tells me I have spinach in my teeth, but I appreciate being told to go brush, you know?
Video is here, in case anyone would like to watch him speak way more eloquently than I could.
UPDATE TO THE UPDATE:
Yeah, I do keep adding to this post. This update is because people are asking me what they can possibly do. Jon Stewart broke it down in a way that resonated so hard with me my whole body hurt:
"I honestly have nothing other than just sadness once again that we have to peer into the…the nexus of a just gaping racial wound that will not heal, yet we pretend doesn’t exist."
What can we do? I sure as hell don't know any better than anyone else, but ignoring it isn't working. Talking? Maybe that's what we have right now. Speaking with respect, but without fear. Speaking even when we're scared. Over on Facebook, I'm losing friends and readers. And you know what? For the first time ever, I paid to boost a post, because I'm not sure I'll ever write a blog as important as this one again. (I could only afford $30 from the budget. That'll probably get me somewhere into the Facebook algorithm, but not far. Share the post, if you'd like. That's a free boost, and a kind way for you to help.)
- Talk. When your coworker says something about mental illness and how we'll never know what really went through the shooter's mind, say the truth: That Dylann Roof was a grown-ass racist man who used lynch language ("they're raping our women") in order to justify killing six black women and three black men.
- Speak up. When your friend says something disparaging about Section 8 housing, say, "Wow. I bet you didn't know that sounded racist." (It's not about lower income families. It's about what those lower income families look like. Your friend will deny this. That's okay.)
- Speak up some more. When your mom says how she won't park in a certain area of town, say, "Wow. I bet you didn't know that sounded racist." (It's not about crime in that area. It's about how she feels being white with a nice car in that area. Your mom will deny this. That's okay.)
- Be educated. Watch some more Jay Smooth. Start with this short video on Systemic Racism. (The median wealth for a single white women is $41,000. For a single black woman, it's $120. READ THAT AGAIN because you will think you read it wrong. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?)
- Be ready to talk. Be ready do admit you might not know your ass from your elbow, but that you're willing to learn. Be willing to admit you were wrong.
- Stand up for someone else. If you're in the restaurant where W. Kamau Bell is chased away from his white wife because of a "misunderstanding" about race, make it really freaking clear that it's not okay.
- Be ready to fight. The system we live in is wrong. As Jon Stewart pointed out, black people drive on streets named for confederate generals who died to keep black people from having the right to drive on those same streets. The confederate flag flies over the South Carolina State House and the state governor doesn't have the authority to change that. Our legacy, our heritage is wrong. (Update from Allison: It USED to fly over the state house but we successfully fought to have it removed 15 years ago. At that time it was MOVED to a memorial located IN FRONT OF the state house. This is still unacceptable, of course, and many South Carolinians are working to have it completely removed from the state house grounds.)
Black people are dying because of racism. Today.
This has to change. We are the ones who have to effect that change.
PS – Comments welcome. Disagreements and conversations welcome. Rude language or a fists-flying attitude will get your comment/tweet/FB response whomp-blocked, so don't bother.
* Some of you might remember that my tonsils keep growing back every time I get them taken out. Sadly, the analogy doesn't stretch that far.
I learned something today (that may or not be true, but came from a legit source) as to why people aren’t calling it a terrorist attack, apparently if it’s ruled (legally) a terrorist attack, insurance companies don’t have to pay out. So while I agree in the “a terrorist is someone that terrorized” I’m happily ok not calling it terrorism, if these families actually get a return on their investment. (<- I couldn't figure out a way to write that...I'm sure it's coming out inelegantly).
I live (and worked for many years) in an area that primarily consists of white folks. Fortunately, I have seen in recent years more people of different races moving here. It is a welcome sight. Several years ago when I worked for the Sheriff’s dept out here, we would get “suspicious person” calls and the info coming in through dispatch was, “suspicious person, black male adult, walking near the Costco.” Suspicious only because he was black. We had a black male deputy on staff and when he would hear these calls, he would volunteer to take the call, especially if it meant contacting the RP in person. I always wondered if a follow up call would come out…..”suspicious looking black male dressed in a Deputy Sheriff’s uniform.”
Great post by the way. I totally agree.
I live in a diverse neighborhood and I know that my black neighbors are different than me. Just like my Japanese and Indian neighbors are different than me. Not better, not worse – just different. It’s the differences we should acknowledge and embrace. On a side note, I am a conservative and like all the conservatives I know, am not a racist. Being socially progressive is not reserved for liberals. I have been a fan of you and your writing for a long time and love to follow your life adventures. Best wishes to you and your family.
The notion of taking up space is a fascinating one and one which has been on my mind a lot lately. Too much to go into here…wish we could share a cup of tea and discuss!
This totally made me smile. Thank you very much. You will still get folks who won’t /can’t understand why #BlackLivesMatters.
About a year or so ago my best friend and I were having a conversation about racism and the little ways in which people do things they don’t realize are insulting at the very least. Of course we are doing this as two middle aged middle class white women, but it seems to me the conversation was going on around the time of Ferguson. She said she had noticed while walking through campus (she works at a state university) that every single black man she would pass would look her straight in the eyes and nod or smile or in some way acknowledge her. All the white and Asian men never did. She said she never returned the greeting because as a woman alone it seemed a bit aggressive. People don’t do that naturally in a big city. Especially one with a gang population like LA has. You don’t look at people. Then she had a conversation with her coworker (who is black) and mentioned how odd she thought it was. Here was the coworkers response.
Black men are taught from a very early age to do this, especially to white women, to show they are not a threat. They are showing they are not going to hurt you.
That stopped my friend (and me!) in our tracks. SERIOUSLY?!?! In 2014?!?! (Back when this happened) I knew there are hazards black men face that as a white woman I just can’t fathom, but the fact that a black man (student, scientist, doctor, professor) can’t walk across his own university in a fairly ritzy part of LA without having to show women he’s not a threat?!?! I was gobsmacked. As a woman often alone I tend to give ALL men a once over. That’s just good safety, I think, but on the whole I don’t usually see a man and immediately think OMG HES GOING TO ATTACK ME! But that’s EXACTLY what black men have to think about every single non-black person out there.
I can’t believe that 50 years after the civil rights movement, we haven’t come further than this.
So now, both of us have made it a practice that if we are passing someone of ANY color, and they look at us and smile or nod or greet us, we always return the favor. Because while we could be considering what damage they can do to us, they might be worrying about the same thing.
And, really, we can all use an extra smile in our day.
I return men’s greetings on the street (never thought about it being almost all black men, but you are right) as a courtesy – I see you, I recognize you as a man and not a threat. Like you I never thought about it being something every black man must learn. How depressing.
Absolutely agree with everything you’ve said. I grew up in a very diverse and harmonious town that worked hard to support a blended and respectful community. Leaving that place and moving to Indiana was horrifying, I truly had no idea that racism existed until I was in high school and I continue to try remember the values I learned as a little kid. Wanted to point out the shooting this week was in Charleston, SC – not Charlotte, NC.
I like what Jessica said on Daily Show about a very different issue of race: “we need allies, not replacements.”
Allies. That waiter can’t chase W.K.B. away if the other white people standing around don’t let him.
The clerk can’t serve the black lady last if us white ladies don’t let her.
These are the small everyday things that can hopefully reinforce bigger things?
Excellent. Thank you for making me think. Usually I’m just reacting…today? Thinking. Bless you.
Along the lines of you being able to leave your neighborhood or shop where you want, I heard something else this week that made me think of the kids at the pool, anyone can be Black until the cops show up.
A reporter/camera person was thought to be the shooter in SC this week. He is African American. He was thrown to the ground and slammed forcefully by the police. Even tho he was a part of the media. When the actual shooter was caught, no such treatment. It actually looked like he was being handled gently. Then all the white-splaining begins in the media. #blacklivesmatter thank you for this article. Very good stuff. Makes us put things in perspective.
Thank you for articulating my frustration with the substitution of “all” for “black.” I was having a reaction every time I read it, but couldn’t put my feelings into words.
Thank you for writing this piece and giving me so much to think about. I live in a small town that is almost exclusively white. We like to think we’re open and welcoming but I’m pretty sure we aren’t. My husband and I were having a conversation last night after watching Jon Stewart’s comments on racism and this attack and I felt so frustrated that we just don’t know how to fix this. Or maybe we just aren’t trying to fix this. Recognizing the all encompassing white privilege we have is a start but then what? I just don’t know but I’m glad for the opportunity to consider changes and challenges.
Thank you for this, Rachael.
You said it very well. And then I found this today, and he said it very well too. Worth watching:
https://www.facebook.com/youngparis/videos/490803234401060/
Blacks represent 13% of the population yet commit 50% of the murders in this country. Even black people in my social circles don’t want to park their car in certain areas of the city. Those same black friends are not eager to live near the section 8 housing. So while I agree with most of your commentary I think you take the extent of what you brand “that’s racist” a little
too far… And by extension are more likely to make
some dismiss your message rather than brace it.
I posted this to my FB. I’d like permission to post it to my blog too – your message is so we-written and brilliant….may I share it?
And, thank you. For articulating everything I think but do not have the grace to say.
Thank you. Well said.
You are brave, intelligent and insightful, and I am proud to call you my friend. Thank you. <3
Wonderfully written, Rachael!
I just wanted to clarify one point in your Update to the Update. You say that “The confederate flag flies over the South Carolina State House” and that’s not true anymore. It USED to fly over the state house but we successfully fought to have it removed 15 years ago. At that time it was MOVED to a memorial located IN FRONT OF the state house. This is still unacceptable, of course, and many South Carolinians are working to have it completely removed from the state house grounds. Anyway, I hope you’ll update that with the correct info about the flag’s location. I was born and raised in SC and still consider it home (though I live in Mississippi now) and even though we do have a long way to go with the confederate flag issue, I want others to know that we HAVE made progress and that the flag NO LONGER flies over our state house.
I won’t even go into the irony about my support of the fight to remove that flag from atop our state house in SC and then, years later, moving to Mississippi where the confederate battle flag is BUILT INTO the state flag… oy vey… miles and miles to go…
I’m a 70 y/o white woman. I have never felt any more ashamed or saddened by any other incidents. I was raised in the South by parents who were conservative & “gently racist”. They believed that “whites are smarter, better, whatever you want to add here, than blacks”, but they raised 2 children – both my brother & I were taught to be respectful of everyone we came in contact with (bad wording). We, as adults, are both very “liberal” in our political & social lives. As you have so beautifully written here, we still have those dark ideas – are careful & focused if we encounter a group of young “blacks” or ride through a “black neighborhood”. It’s very difficult to root our fear. Fear is powerful. I agree with your entire statement. ALL of it! We must all take responsibility for not allowing the unacceptable. That wonderful quote: “all that’s necessary for evil to persist is for ‘men’ of good will to remain silent” – – – I probably didn’t get that exactly right, but you will ‘get’ the idea.
I just had the incredible privilege to hear Gloria Steinem speak at a free public forum. She shared the most common question for her is , “What can we do?” and her response is; Something. Everything. You never know if that one little thing you do is THE THING THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Do SOMETHING. Speak up. Speak out. VOTE WITH A CONSCIENCE. Run for office.
She’s right. Stop pretending this doesn’t apply to you. You live in this time and this space for a reason. This is not political message-this is LIVES. This is going on Every. Single. Second.
Print Rachael’s post and hand it to
I’m sending a link to everyone I know asking them to share this. This should go viral.
VIRAL .VIRAL people!!!
As a white South African of Afrikaner descent this is particularly close to home. Racism is still alive and well in South Africa, and the wealth gap continues to grow. Even with a democratically-elected black government, black lives still don’t matter if they’re poor/foreign. See Marikana massacre (protesting miners shot down by black police force), xenophobic attacks (against other Africans).
We also like to pretend that since 1994 all racism is dead and everything is hunky dory (do you have that saying? It kinda means all is ok), but the recent protests against the statue of Cecil John Rhodes (#RhodesMustFall) at UCT have brought into focus the fact that although things have changed on paper, things in real life are still much the same. There are many statues of old Apartheid rulers around, and streets named after them, and people who were oppressed by those rulers have to look at those every single day. And then Afrikaners get upset that their “heritage” is being destroyed, and liberals all over the country are like “are you for real?”. Boo f***ing hoo.
I agree with the racism being like plaque analogy. I was raised in the 80’s “State of Emergency” when we were all told to fear “die swart gevaar” (the black peril), where the only black people I saw until I was 12 were maids and gardeners. I’m now 34, and every day I find myself having little racist knee-jerk thoughts and I have to catch myself with a “where the hell did that come from?!”. For many South Africans that’s the reality, and while I don’t beat myself up about it I do know that it’s something we have to work on every day. Even though my family was poor, I am well aware of the privileges I have just because I’m white.
I cold probably write a novel on this, and white guilt, and being a person of Afrikaner descent in a new SA 🙂
Also, re: the old SA flag
Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. As soon as I saw it on his jacket I thought “uuugggghhh, here it comes”. It’s also opened a discussion here, since many old Afrikaner people still display them as “heritage” items. Right. Heritage is becoming like freedom of speech: an excuse for asshats to say shitty things and think they can get away with it.
To the person who was making statements about crime statistics: what you were quoting is, at best, a massive distortion of the facts. This On The Media interview and the linked sites are a good place to start understanding why: http://www.onthemedia.org/story/crime-reporting-racial-bias/
Amen, Rachael. You haven’t lost this reader yet, especially after such an important post.
Why don’t I ever run into you?!!! We both live in Oakland. You are brilliant and I’d like to think I have a thing our two rattling around in my brain. We are both Mills alums. In any case, this post was on point and I look forward to crossing paths with you some day. A million thanks.