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Ep. 146: Jennifer Loudon on Writing and Your Emotional Immune System

October 3, 2019

Jennifer Louden is a personal growth pioneer who helped launch the concept of self-care with her first best-selling book The Woman’s Comfort Book. Since then, she’s written six additional books on well-being and whole living, with a million copies of her books in print in nine languages. Jennifer has spoken around the U.S., Canada, and Europe, and has written a national magazine column for Martha Stewart magazine. Plus, she’s been profiled or quoted in dozens of major magazines, two of Brené Brown’s books Daring Greatly and Dare to Lead, appeared on hundreds of TV, radio shows and podcasts, and even on Oprah.

Jennifer has been teaching women’s writing and self-care retreats since 1992 and creating vibrant online communities and innovative learning experiences since 2000. She married the love of her life at 50 and is profoundly proud to be mom to Lillian and bonus mom to Aidan.

How Do You Write Podcast: Explore the processes of working writers with bestselling author Rachael Herron. Want tips on how to write the book you long to finish? Here you’ll gain insight from other writers on how to get in the chair, tricks to stay in it, and inspiration to get your own words flowing. 

Join Rachael’s Slack channel, Onward Writers.

Ep. 146: Jennifer Loudon on Writing and Your Emotional Immune System

TRANSCRIPT

HDYW146

Rachael Herron: [00:00:00] Welcome do how to you right? I’m your host Rachael Herron on this podcast. I talk to authors about how they write, what their process is and how their lives fit together. I’ll keep each episode short so you can get back to writing. 

Rachael Herron: [00:00:16] Well, hello writers. Welcome to episode number 146 of how do you write?

I’m Rachael Herron and I’m thrilled that you’re here with me today today. We are talking to the Magnificent Jen Loudon; Jen Loudon, if you follow Joanna Penn’s podcast the Creative Penn she was just on it. I’ve been a fan of Jen for a long time now and I really believe that she’s one of the most inspiring speakers in the field of creativity and self care so stick around for that. She’s so lovely.

In personal update around here. You can hear that I’m sick for some reason since I left my day job. I think I was always working with moms of small children, and I got a lot of. You know secondhand cooties that way and managed to keep my immune system high and I never got colds. And since I’ve gone full time three and a half years ago.

I really get more cold than I ever used to. So this one is a wicked wicked summer. I guess early fall cold that’s been going around the Bay Area and I’ve got it so I will not subject you to the sound of my voice for as long as I normally do, but all is going well around here. I am working hard on something I cannot talk about.

That is good hate to do that. So I won’t talk about that anymore. I wanted to thank new patrons and returning Patron Lefty Albay Lefty. Love you. Thank you so so so much means the world and Mel Climbo. Oh Mel, you’re familiar to me too. So, I love to see old patrons who maybe weren’t around for a while come back and then go and I always mean to say this around my Patreon and it’s true. I love your support. It means the difference between me being here able to do this and having to get a part-time job. That’s how important patreon is to me. However, when people sign in to change and they can no longer help support me there is literally zero percent of me that minds when they go away at all, zero percent, I’m happy because I can only it’s just generosity. All I get to do is be grateful for it and I am so oh goodness. No, I will mention that. It’s been a terribly busy week around here. I think since the last time I talked to my cat has gone into kidney failure and we’ve speaking the money drop several thousand dollars on him.

He’s doing really well. So in a way that the vet doesn’t really. And it’s great and we’ve been spending a lot of time cuddling today and yesterday since we’re both kind of on the couch. So that’s been great to be able to just be around him and spend time around this wonderful little cat named Willie who is a badass and my little companion.

So that has been good. Otherwise, let’s just jump into the show with Jen. I will have a longer update for you next week when I know that I will feel better. Enjoy the show with Jen and happy writing to you. I really love it. When you reach out and tell me how you’re doing. Also in all of the show notes. There is always a place to join my slack channel for writers called Onward Writer. Please go over and click that link to join the Slack channel. There’s some good conversations happening over there. It’s a good place to look for beta readers. It’s a good place to talk about your writing. I would love to have you, so join that please it’s always free and it’s always fun. So have you writing we’ll talk to you soon. Bye.

Hey, you’re a writer. Did you know that I send out a free weekly email of writing encouragement go sign up for it RachaelHerron.com, right and you’ll also get my stop stalling and write PDF with helpful tips. You can use today to get some of your own writing done.

Okay now on to the interview, Well, I could not be more pleased today to welcome onto the show Jennifer Loudon. Hello, Jennifer. 

Jen Louden: [00:04:13] It was my pleasure to be here on this warm afternoon will spend a little time getting together to have let’s go. 

Rachael Herron: [00:04:19] Let’s do it. It’ll bring out our emotions. Let me give you a little bit of a bio here before we jump into it Jennifer Loudon is a personal growth Pioneer who helped launch the concept of self-care with her first best-selling book the woman’s comfort book since then she’s written six additional books on well-being and whole living with a million copies. Books in print in nine languages Jennifer has spoken around the US Canada and Europe and has written a national magazine column for Martha Stewart magazine. Plus she’s been profiled or quoted in dozens of major magazines to a burn a Brown’s books daring greatly and dare to lead has appeared on TV radio shows podcasts and even on Oprah

She’s been teaching women’s writing and self-care Retreat since 1982 and creating vibrant online communities and Innovative learning experiences in 2000. She married the love of her life at 50 and is profoundly proud to be mom to Lillian and bonus mom to Aidan. Welcome. 

I literally cannot remember where I found you or where I got onto your e-mail newsletter list, but it’s so inspiring to me and I actually took one of your all day virtual retreats. Just because I wanted to see what happened and it was beautiful. You created such a beautiful warm environment and I so thoroughly enjoyed being there 

Jen Louden: [00:05:38] Oh, that’s great!

Rachael Herron: [00:05:39] That is what gave me the the bravery to approach you and ask you to be on the show because I really just admire what you’re doing, but this show is about process

Jen Louden: [00:05:49] It’s all about process earlier process.

Rachael Herron: [00:05:52] Knowing your process and finding it out uncovering it which takes years and years and years and is always changing. I think it just did so I would like to know about your writing process is now. What it looks like and maybe what it was when you first started what has changed?

Jen Louden: [00:06:06] Oh, well, I think the thing that has changed. The biggest most important thing is that I have a much more realistic process, and I know how to work with my mind. A million times better. So when I first started writing I was I mean, I started writing in high school. I wrote in college. I pursued screenwriting after college studying writing in college and I was a tortured writer

I believed all the myths about writing should just come if you didn’t write easily and naturally you aren’t really a writer. It was my greatest fear that I wasn’t really a writer that. You know that you should just have to sit down without any kind of pre-thinking or planning and just pound it out and those kind of thoughts and beliefs.

I should say that really really got me stuck.

Rachael Herron: [00:07:02] Where did we get those? 

Jen Louden: [00:07:05] Well, I mean I thought about that a lot because in addition to the virtual Retreats, I’ve been leading in person writing Retreats and I work with writers one-on-one and in addition to everything else. And I think it’s because of literacy being such a big deal because we have to remember that within our lifetime like my extended family there were people there who barely graduated sixth grade but literacy was power.

And then if we go back just a few Generations more owning a book going to school all of those things weren’t guaranteed and they were often for the elite and then go back a few Generations more. They certainly were for the elite reading and right, you know, and then if we add race and being a woman into that.

So I think some of that is rooted in some of those cultural stories about us knowing it. I also think that writing has a Mystique being a writer has a Mystique around it, which is hysterical  to me. I mean, I’m sorry. Have you ever watched somebody write? It’s about as interesting as watching paint dry.

Rachael Herron: [00:07:57] We’re in our yoga pants weird makeup happening. Yeah, there’s just yeah. 

Jen Louden: [00:08:01] In this little room, maybe I dance to some music. So for some reason there’s a lot of baggage and one of the things that I’ll do in my longer Retreats a sort of unpack that we do an exercise around it and start for people to start to look at.

What is the baggage that I carry around this label of writer or painter or artist or creative you name it and what is it about this that I need to pay attention to is part of my process because those stories beliefs cultural. Imprints are part of our self-concept and when our self-concept is threatened, then we go into fight or flight or freeze and all without our awareness. 

Rachael Herron: [00:08:41]  Speaking of that could you go into a little bit about the emotional immune system that you wrote about this week. That was fascinating to me. And I think it’s I think it’s linked. 

Jen Louden: [00:08:51] So an emotional means this term is a term I came up with but it’s based on the lack of resettle a he and Bob Keegan at Harvard and a whole system that they have around

Looking at what they just call your ability. They just caught your immune system and that the idea is that we are constructed in a way through our nervous system through our brain to stay defended and this is when the most brilliant ideas that I learned from them. We’re not afraid of change their whole thing is change management.

We’re not afraid. We’re not self-sabotaging. We’re not undisciplined. Fun, we don’t have okay, we may have bad habits. But the reason why we have bad habits is because our emotional immune system our brain our nervous system our self-concept all of these different layers are all about keeping us defended because it’s some level in our little bodies and brains.

We know that we could die any minute and we don’t want to, we know that a meteor could drop right now on us and you know that the giant supervolcano under Yellowstone could explode we know that we could have cancer right now and not even know it. This is the fact that we like to get away from it so we can get on with our business.

So when we do anything that is outside of what is we could kind of say safe, kind of comfortable but really the word they use that I love these defend it. We feel defended. I feel defended what I’m checking email. I know how to do that. I know how to answer my clients. I know how to answer my assistant.

I know how to respond. I don’t know how to respond. If I look at my document that I’m writing on and have not done any thinking or planning and expect myself to go in and start writing a new scene in a novel or. You know and so then I go back to what’s defended. 

Rachael Herron: [00:10:32] which is I think it email and doing all that those busy work tasks

Jen Louden: [00:10:35] Right? I love that where I love eating crunchy snacks.  Yeah, it’s great. 

Rachael Herron: [00:10:41] I like Netflix. 

Jen Louden: [00:10:42] Yeah it’s great.

Rachael Herron: [00:10:43] I’m very good at Netflix. I’m pretty much an expert at Netflix.

Jen Louden: [00:10:45] I’m amazed with how much stress eating I’ve been doing in the end the last week. I finished my book. 

Rachael Herron: [00:10:48] Congratulations. 

Jen Louden: [00:10:51] Yeah. I have one more pass at it, but and I haven’t had that behavior a long time oh my God pickles and crackers and cake and oh my my. Your pants are getting happy and like okay. I know let’s see how we can you know, I had to start trying to use my own tools. 

Rachael Herron: [00:11:05] Yeah, there’s something I thought about like the blood glucose the glucose of the brain dropping when you’re thinking that hard and your brain is screaming it’s an emergency. Give me a lollipop but what I love about emotionally means system. It just hit home so much that so much that I forwarded your message out to my wife and I just wanted to share this with you. She wrote that she wrote back. I have emotional allergies. I need some emotional Claritin and maybe an emotional Neti Pot.

Jen Louden: [00:11:32] Oh my God. I love it that’s brilliant! Oh my God.

Rachael Herron: [00:11:35] I wanted to share that with you.

Jen Louden: [00:11:35] that is so great 

Rachael Herron: [00:11:36] But what is your writing process now? Do you wake up and roll over to the computer or do you get there around noon or what? What does that look like? 

Jen Louden: [00:11:43] No, I’m definitely a morning writer I taught myself to be morning writer when my daughter was born.

She’s 25 now and I was always really has to be just perfect and you know, like oh, it’s tell you that it was like I have. Two hours to write while she like I would nurse her. I would run it on the hill to my parents. They were they live near us for a while to help at the early stages. The first few months, I would drop her off.

I would run back up the hill in the car, I would write, write, write. My milk would come in. I would pump while I was eating lunch with the other hand. I would write write write write my milk will come in and I know where to have to go down the hill to get her and she would be waking up from her nap that taught me I could write anywhere anytime.

Well it’s and I finished the book. I was a pregnant woman’s comfort book. I finished that book. Sleep deprived I’m not even knowing I had terrible postpartum depression because I yeah, I was writing about it.

Rachael Herron: [00:12:33] How interesting that you were writing a comfort book. 

Jen Louden: [00:12:36] I was writing comfort book. I was writing about postpartum depression and it wasn’t occurring to me because the way it showed up for me was anxiety and that research wasn’t well-developed then now we know so much more about it. Thank God because it’s so common is so awful. So I think we’re waiting for us is now when I’m in the drafting stage is very different than the editing stage for me. I am not happy drafter.

Rachael Herron: [00:12:58] I am not either. 

Jen Louden: [00:12:59] Yeah, you don’t like these people are like, are you ready, practice. And I feel looks like really yeah.

Rachael Herron: [00:13:05] I’m all about revision.

Jen Louden: [00:13:07] Yeah, I’m all about revision. Revision really makes me happy and joyful. So drafting means I think the most important things for me are to know what I’m going to write the next day and is what I’m always telling my writers that I work with. What am I actually going to work on the next day and I has to be clear enough to me

It doesn’t make sense to anybody else that. That I’m ready to go and then I have it up on my big computer here. I have freedom internet blocking software program so that there’s nothing here that can drag me away. And then my habit when I’m drafting is to I will check my email on my desktop of my laptop, which is downstairs in the kitchen, but I don’t allow myself to have coffee until like I’m ready to come here and I’m not going to do very much about coffee in the morning. Genius hack. Yeah, I used to make myself stand up and then I was like, no no just no coffee. And when I’m really in a groove then I will get up I’ll you know do the water and put on, you know, clothes all that, but I’m close and then I’ll go meditate. Then I’ll check email and see if there’s any emergencies with my team and then I make my latte and that’s the trigger to come upstairs where there’s no way out. Right and whenever I’m going to start is right here, so that kind of discipline. I really need in drafting because I’ll do anything I can to wiggle out when I’m editing I don’t need freedom. I don’t need a ritual. I don’t need to have it. I could do half an hour worth of busy work or responding to things click off a few things be almost done with my latte and then be. Great, I get to edit. I mean it’s pleasurable for me. 

Rachael Herron: [00:14:47] That’s exactly the same way I am. And I like hearing other people say that. What is your biggest challenge when it comes to writing?

Jen Louden: [00:14:57] Oh. I have learning disability. So my biggest challenge is I would call it a lot of different things but we might call it structure organization flow of ideas. So give you an idea what this book that comes out in May, ‘Why Bother?’ When working on different subtitles discover the desire for what’s next.

I think that’s a subtitle we’re going it might be discovered your desire for what’s next. We haven’t quite decided yet. We’re waiting for the book reps to come back and say what they vote for so in that. I use scrivener. I’m a big Scrivener fan and I did lots. I almost wrote it like little short essays that were whooped by these by these phases or stages of this process that I came up with the how you go from what I call the dark side or the Blah side either the left or lethargic side to why bother to that why bother?

What did indeed do I bother about and what do I want to bother? What don’t I want to bother about him really finding that desire to animate yourself again into what’s next. And so but when I actually gave it to Beta readers after the second draft, four different beta readers and two came back and we’re basically like it’s not working for me this way and one of them was very much in our own why bother process which I didn’t know and she’s like, I need to feel more held I need to feel more like in this is happens in this.

So that was a challenge for me writing it in the little essays really work for my kind of brain and putting it together in a flow was it was really a lot more difficult, but I got there I got that day. I almost did too much of it and I took some of it out on this draft. And we’re going to make it Web Extras for people because I it’s a self-help book, but it’s very much a memoir as well.

Rachael Herron: [00:16:43] I cannot wait to read it. By the way.

Jen Louden: [00:16:45] I have a little vulnerability hangover. I was so finishing includes most about two or three days ago and I was really like I’ve been stress eating as I said pretty unusual for me, like just grumpy having a cocktail almost every night also and unusual I don’t usually drink during the week.

And I just hit me like I ain’t talked about slow on the uptake. There’s a shit ton of me in this book and I talked about really big dark stuff and. I think it just hit the people. I know I don’t people like don’t know fine. I don’t care what you know about me but my friends and my neighbors and a little bit of my family that’s left. I’m like, oh shit what have I done. 

Rachael Herron: [00:17:31] Isn’t it good that you kept it from yourself until that point good job.

Jen Louden: [00:17:35] We did then but here’s the hysterical thing. I spent four years and 500 pages writing a lot of this as a memoir. That didn’t work. And I didn’t have that feeling for four years nor in the last seven months where I found this whole new structure and then pulled things out that fit that structure. So you talked about being clueless to yourself. Yes!

Rachael Herron: [00:17:55] I love that. There’s always surprises to find out about ourselves.

Jen Louden: [00:17:58] We have no idea what we do almost everything we do is unconscious, right? And I think that’s delicious. 

Rachael Herron: [00:18:05] What is your biggest joy when it comes to writing?

Jen Louden: [00:18:08] You know, I was really impressed as I was writing this doing this for third fourth draft for threw up I guess whatever I’ve lost track but with my editors comments, and I’m really impressed by my scenes. And you know, I’ve had a long I have a fiction background and but I’ve yet to successfully write a novel and I’m like, I wonder if you could really do it just like there’s these but then I thought these scenes took me years to write. We would have to do it a little more quickly, but maybe if we were writing about ourselves that would be easier. So I was really impressed by that that was joyful for me to read and I think it was joyful for me to write I think I do love that. Sensory building out a word finding the right details that really reveal action reveal character.

I love it when I come up with a Zinger, you know, like life never gives up on you, you give up on life. I’m like, yes! Yes, yes tweet that! 

Rachael Herron: [00:19:10] Which you should yeah exactly.  

Jen Louden: [00:19:15] Yeah, and again I love revising. I love how you know, what was so cool because I haven’t finished a book in so many years so many books flop on me or that I flopped on them, but to leave scrivener and put it in word because once you’re getting your editors comments, you don’t want to go back to Scrivener I’m going to do so and everything I hate about word, which is the one Continuous Flow becomes fantastic at the end because you’re like, oh I need to bring that forward and need that little was like it was like I don’t sew, but I imagine it was like sewing or you know.

Rachael Herron: [00:19:50] And it’s like a little dance too. 

Jen Louden: [00:19:52] It was really fun. I really enjoyed that. 

Rachael Herron: [00:19:53] Can you share a craft tip of any kind that has helped you along in your writing? 

Jen Louden: [00:20:00] I think that idea Salient surprising detail and this is true, you know for fiction and Memoir more but clearly we can use it in I’m writing a self help book and what I see a lot of times of the writers, I work with and they get the idea of sensory detail they just pile it on.

You know, what I’ve certainly done that too, more is better. I’ll skip to the smell. Oh god, I’ve done that but really thinking what are the details? We don’t need to tell them anything. That is obvious. I don’t need to tell them what a chair looks like if that chair isn’t the iron throne.

Rachael Herron: [00:20:37] Or that grass is green as they curl their toes into it. 

Jen Louden: [00:20:40] Or wet or cool unless it seems so that is weird. I love teaching that and I love thinking about it because it’s really hard.

Rachael Herron: [00:20:51] it is really hard. But when you come up with those Salient surprising details, it’s so wonderful.

Jen Louden: [00:20:57] It is an editing book coaching a gal a small group of people right now in a nonfiction Mastermind.

She’s writing a memoir about three pilgrimages tip over images. She did in an illness in between these pilgrimages in Japan and she’s a really good writer and she has all these beautiful details about and she’s a food person like a super gourmet food person. So she’s all these details about the meals and and I’m like, I love all this and you’re just going to have to bring it back for now.

That’s fine that’s easy to do because there’s lots to choose from and there’s a travel food aspect to the book that I think will really appeal to people. I don’t want to bring it back too much, but I’m reading her working considering people surprising salient detail.

Rachael Herron: [00:21:43] and it’s always easier over write and pull back later

Jen Louden: [00:21:47] I am not an over writer.

Rachael Herron: [00:21:49] I am, oh God, I am.

Jen Louden: [00:21:51] And then the other thing I see in students. And this is quite as true for me. ButI see a lot of summary a lot of kind of writing it like it’s a blog post writing and I’m like, you got to slow down you to take me in there, you know.

Rachael Herron: [00:22:04] We want to be inside that moment with you. That’s all because interesting that more specific it is the more Universal it is. 

Jen Louden: [00:22:10] Right. I want to live that through you. 

Rachael Herron: [00:22:11] Yeah. What thing in your life affects your writing in a surprising way? 

Jen Louden: [00:22:18] If I eat too much sugar or drink too much alcohol, my mind is a moosh. If I do it for two or three days in a row I get anxiety 

Rachael Herron: [00:22:26] I get a migraine if I eat too much sugar in a row and I don’t drink at all anymore. 

Jen Louden: [00:22:30] Yeah, I need to get to that place. I’m still a social Drinker like last night. We had card night with girlfriends. I had one drink.

Rachael Herron: [00:22:38] Girl if you can do that. I’m an alcoholic so I had to just cut it out. If you could be a social drinker ride that.

Jen Louden: [00:22:41] Yes, I can I can quit but I think like why even one drink, you know, it’s all about social pull. 

Rachael Herron: [00:22:51] What an interesting phrase flirting with alcoholism too that not there’s a book in there. 

Jen Louden: [00:22:57] Her young a disturbed young woman who was finding her way. I definitely drink too much.  

Rachael Herron: [00:23:02] it’s a good number

Jen Louden: [00:23:04] Yeah. 

Rachael Herron: [00:23:04] What is the best book you’ve read recently? 

Jen Louden: [00:23:06] The Overstory by Richard Powers. I just finished it last night.

Rachael Herron: [00:23:11] What’s the title of it?

Jen Louden: [00:23:12] The Overstory. 

Rachael Herron: [00:23:13] What’s it about?

Jen Louden: [00:23:14] It is about the fact that we have completely fucked ourselves as a species, but the trees could save us. 

Rachael Herron: [00:23:17] Really!

Jen Louden: [00:23:21] It is unbelievable. This is the first half of that book is one of the best books I’ve ever read the second half. I’m not too sure about, I may have to go back and read it again because and the last quarter as like I’m not sure about this. But I also I may not have read it carefully enough. Sometimes I read too quickly.

Rachael Herron: [00:23:40] Will it make me want to kill myself? 

Jen Louden: [00:23:42] No, no! No, there’s a lot. There’s a lot of hope there’s so so much. Hope because of the tree. And it’s talk about sensual prose. Oh my God.

Rachael Herron: [00:23:53] Oh thank you. I hadn’t heard anything about it. I’ll grab it. 

Jen Louden: [00:23:56] Yeah, you’ll love it speaking. That’s okay. That could not be people say they love a book and then you don’t love it. You never have to tell me that.

Rachael Herron: [00:24:03] I’m very easy about books if it’s good. I love it. If it’s not: I don’t read it. I stop reading it.

Jen Louden: [00:24:07] I’m the same way.

Rachael Herron: [00:24:09] It could be a chapter from the end and be like nah you lost me. 

Jen Louden: [00:24:13] I just read before that Half of a Yellow Sun. I cannot pronounce the Nigerian authors like cover my she wrote Americanah. Yes.

Rachael Herron: [00:24:23] It is like [Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie] I won’t try.

Jen Louden: [00:24:24] Yeah good. Excellent. Excellent. Effort there and I had put off reading it for so many years because it’s pretty it’s pretty harrowing. It’s about Biafra and their two and a half years of existence and then I picked up I was going to pick up Kate Atkinson’s new book afterwards and it starts with I know but it started with people being women look like they’re going to be sold in and I’m like not after Half of a Yellow Sun. Gotta wait a while! I picked up The Overstory and read that I’m like, okay. I think I need to read a fantasy magic. I love fantasy. 

Rachael Herron: [00:24:57] You really need something very very cheerful and lightweight.

Jen Louden: [00:24:58] Only books that you read in a day. Okay I don’t even remember that, but that was fun.

Rachael Herron: [00:25:04] Like a cleanser. That’s what you’re doing.

Jen Louden: [00:25:06] Yes a palette cleanser.

Rachael Herron: [00:25:08] All right, speaking of writing and books tell us where we can find you. I would love to know I would love you to plug your newsletter, which I really love this is only these are only writers who listen to the show. So tell us about that part of your life.

Jen Louden: [00:25:22] Sure, so I work basically with two groups of people and that’ll and that’ll lately in the last few years. It’s been primarily writers, but with the new book it’ll broaden out. So it’ll be people who are in there why bother phase and getting help around that that will be starting mid-next year and then I work with General creatives from time to time and You know in the issues of how do I work just the same thing you do? How do I work better? How do I get past my fear? How do I expand my emotional immune system and then I work specifically with writers on my Retreats a couple of my we’re changing Retreats out next year, but they’ll still be three I think that are writing specific. And the virtual Retreats as well and then a nonfiction writers Mastermind and the only way that we talk about any of that is through my email list, and we’re not super salesy we. You know, we’re very respectful of your energy.

Rachael Herron: [00:26:16] You’re not too salesy at all. I’m super sensitive to that and I’m good on the unsubscribe button and I’ve never I’ve never come close.

Jen Louden: [00:26:23] good good good a newsletter is sometimes very writing specific and sometimes more life specific.

I wrote last month. I think I wrote about, you know, being a mom of a daughter who lives 3 hours away from me by plane. So it can be very personal. I write about my own creative process and. 

Rachael Herron: [00:26:42] And where can I find them?

Jen Louden: [00:26:43] That’s https://jenniferlouden.com/. Those are dogs are both beside us and there’s a great freebie when you sign up for the newsletter right now actually on the website. There’s a fear Style Quiz that kind of goes it is emotional main system. That’s really fun. And you get a fear report that’s tailored to your fear style. So I’m really proud of that.

Rachael Herron: [00:27:06] I haven’t done that yet. I’m going to have to go grab that.

Jen Louden: [00:27:08] If you go to the website it pops up and if you don’t want that you can just unpop it and you can sign up and you get a great ebook that I wrote It’s all about getting unstuck and I’m really proud of that too so there’s a couple free things for you right buyer. 

Rachael Herron: [00:27:22]  I want to thank you for all the work. For everybody I have just gotten so much out of you and from you and 

Jen Louden: [00:27:31] Thank you so much. 

Rachael Herron: [00:27:33] I’m just very happy to share you with my listenership, and I hope that you also get to be in touch with him in the same way

Jen Louden: [00:27:40] I love that. I’m so grateful for this chance.

Rachael Herron: [00:27:43] And I can’t wait for why bother!

Jen Louden: [00:27:44] Yay. 

Rachael Herron: [00:27:46] All right, Congratulations.  

Jen Louden: [00:27:47] Thank you!

Rachael Herron: [00:27:48] And we’ll be in touch and happy writing to you 

Jen Louden: [00:27:50] Happy writing to you too!

Rachael Herron: [00:27:52]  Bye. 

Jen Louden: [00:27:54] Thanks 

Rachael Herron: [00:27:55] Thanks so much for joining me on this episode of how do you write you can reach me on Twitter @RachaelHerron  or at my website RachaelHerron.com You can also support me on patreon  and get essays on living your creative life for as little as a buck an essay at patreon.com slash Rachael spelled RACHAEL and do sign up for my free Weekly Newsletter of encouragement to writers at RachaelHerron.com/write. Now go to your desk and create your own process get to writing  my friends.

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Stolen Things

August 20, 2019

I’ve been practicing gratitude for a while now, and on certain days, I have so damn much of it that it feels like I could drown in joy. (Other days, of course, are normal, with mosquitoes and flat tires and bad choices and rotten bananas. But today is not that kind of day.)

Today my first thriller, Stolen Things, comes out.

And all I can think is: it finally happened.

I wrote the 911 dispatcher book I’d always wanted to write. My agent, who is so smart and persistent and loyal, helped me uncover what it was meant to be. It was bought by an incredible editor who got it. Behind her, she had a team at Dutton/Penguin that has completely knocked me out with their care and savvy and excitement.

Today, this book of my heart goes out into the world.

I have to admit, I’m nervous. It’s not a sweet romance. It’s not a book about family secrets.

It’s a book about the really real stuff.

BookPage says, “the book confronts a slew of today’s issues – such as police brutality against black people, #MeToo, institutional scandal and sexual orientation- with pathos and conviction. Chapters are short, emotional bursts of energy that fuel the quest for answers. Each side is given credence and receives critique.”

I love that last line. I did try to make the book show all sides, because life is messy and confusing.

Through that all, I got to show Laurie and Jojo, a mother-daughter team that I absolutely loved writing. There’s nothing like the ferocity of a mother’s love. Luckily, daughters learn that same fierceness at their mother’s jaws.

I hope you love Jojo and Laurie as much as I do. Enjoy.

📚 Buy Links! 📚

Indiebound | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | iBooks | GooglePlay

(Also available at your local independent bookstore and at Target today! I swear to you, I’m going to go up to an associate at Target and say with a straight face, “Hi! Do you have Stolen Things?” And then I will wait for them to call security.)

I’m so grateful for so much, but today, I’m grateful for you. I hope you curl up with this book, that you can’t put it down, that you email me afterward and say that it made you cry and laugh and hope. This is for you.

Love,

Rachael

Posted by Rachael 4 Comments

Three! (And Breaking Six Figures)

March 27, 2019

Today is the third anniversary of my self-employment.

Honestly, y’all, I didn’t know if I would still be self-employed three years after starting this full-time gig. When I quit my day job, which I’d had for 17 years, I wondered if I would have to go back to it, tail between my legs. In fact, for the first two months after I left, I stayed on as a part-time employee, available to fill-in for emergencies.

I only ever went in twice, and after the second time, I got the mother of all migraines. As I left that day, I told my boss to complete my severance paperwork.

And I’ve never regretted that, and not once.

I honestly can’t believe that I get to do this for a living. And such a good living! I am good with words but bad with numbers, so it wasn’t until I got my taxes done last week that I realized I’d broken six figures in 2018!

Now, the majority of that is hustle, not book money. You can hear exactly how I made all my 2018 money in this podcast.

I said in that podcast that I made $10,000 from retreats, which is true, but that was net. I actually grossed $30,000, and that’s what put me over into the six-figure bracket.

There are people, I know, who think I’m gauche to talk about my actual numbers (they have felt free to tell me!). But that’s completely okay. There should be more transparency in this industry, and God knows, if I was just starting out, I’d be looking for people to tell me the truth about what they made and how they struggled and how they were victorious. I’d also want to know about their failures, which is why I feel free to tell you about mine, too!

And truth: I only brought home about $42k after expenses and taxes, but I needed to make $36k to survive, and that’s more! Huzzah! (This is also transparency. I recently heard a 7-figure writer talk about his income, and I wondered how much he spent on ads – I spent less than $3k because I get nervous about ads. I should probably be a bit more aggressive. Someday.)

Mostly, I’m just so grateful. I’m grateful to the very middle of each of my bones. I’m soaking in and made of gratitude. 

This morning, I wrote 4000 words in the Mills College tea shop. That was above my goal, so I felt pretty good about it. Knowing that this was my third anniversary, I had left my day pretty open aside from the necessary writing. I went to Trader Joe’s and bought a lot of groceries. (Aside, I’ve lost 12 pounds since last month’s prediabetic scare. Turns out I’m not prediabetic, but you definitely shouldn’t mainline three Cadbury Creme eggs an hour before you get a cholesterol test. And I have to mention I credit most of the weight loss to the fact that I’m tracking my food intake for the first time in my life. What gets measured you manage.)

Then I kind of had nothing to do.

Usually my days are booked from literal sunup to literal sundown. I’m a planner, and I like to know how I’m going to spend each hour. That doesn’t allow for much spontaneity, but it does mean I’m productive, which I have to be when I hustle for so many different income streams.

Today though? I called a best friend after I bought approximately 40 tons of broccoli from TJ’s, and sat at her kitchen table, drinking tea. We talked about books and life and the world, and I thought to myself, “this is part of my job. I can’t write if I don’t live.”

So I’m grateful, so very grateful for every moment I’m given. As I write this, Dozy is sitting on my lap and licking off my coconut-oil hand cream. Clara is snoring. Soon, I’m going to take a nap, because I have time to do that today.

I don’t take any of this for granted. And that makes it all the more lovely.

Happy three to me!

Posted by Rachael 12 Comments

Happy Sober Birthday To Me (my story)

February 20, 2019

Rachael, one year soberOne year ago today, I wrote in my journal, “I am an alcoholic.”

Then I wrote, “F*CK.” You see, I’d been writing in my journal for months about how I couldn’t be one (because that’s what non-alcoholics do – ha!).

Reasons I couldn’t be an alcoholic:

1. I’d never gotten a DUI.

2. I’d never lost a thing, not a house, not a car, not a relationship, not even my phone or wallet.

3. I’d written 20+ books to critical acclaim.

4. I didn’t drink in the morning. I rarely drank in the afternoons.

5. I didn’t get the shakes on the few days that I didn’t drink.

6. I hardly ever blacked out.

7. I just really liked wine, that was all.

8. No one in my life thought my drinking was a problem (not even my wife or closest friends).

9. I could MAKE myself have just a glass or two (when I out, when I had to drive).

I was good! I was fine! I wasn’t an alcoholic! I’d told myself that for so long I almost believed it. Until I couldn’t believe it anymore.

1 year sober

Alcoholism came on me fast.

I’d always been a GOOD drinker. I could outdrink most of my friends, including Irish men. I loved to drink but only on the weekends. I could NOT drink if I needed to. Then in 2016, I quit my day job of 17 years, and said to myself, “Self, you’re 43 years old. If you’re not an alcoholic now, you’ll never be one! You can totes have some wine every night, like normal people do. Bottoms up!”

So I started having a glass or two of wine every night. Within 2.5 years, it was a bottle and a half (or more) every night. Every single morning I woke up and said I wouldn’t drink that night. Every single night brought an excuse that made it okay for me to break that promise. I was tired. I wasn’t tired. I was happy. I was sad. I had something to celebrate. I had nothing to celebrate. ANYTHING was an excuse. I tried to give myself rules. No more than 12 drinks a week. Nothing but wine. Nothing but beer. Nothing but celebratory Scotch and only when I’d earned it. Never drink alone.

Nothing worked. I was a boring drunk, and just drank till I got sleepy every night. (This is what I called what I was doing. But really, I was just a control freak who could time my passing out every night precisely to bedtime.) I drank a little before Lala got home from work and opened a “fresh” bottle of wine when she got home as if it were an idea I’d just come up with.

I COULD NOT STOP.

I made a solemn vow to myself in my journal to get help if I couldn’t keep my drinking to 12 units of alcohol a week (this is considered heavy drinking for women, but it was what I was okay with). A shot is 1.4 units. A bottle of wine has 10 units. I was drinking a bottle to a bottle and a half on normal nights, telling myself it was 4-6 drinks. It was actually 10-15 units per NIGHT.

After I almost tanked a work thing at a prestigious writing conference because I was too hungover to remember what I needed to do, I hit my personal bottom, but only because that’s where I stopped digging. I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. I was holding the whole world on my shoulders, and I hated the person I’d become. I lived in a fog of near-constant self-loathing, a self-hatred that I disguised so well that the people nearest me didn’t know who I really was or how I felt.

I admitted in my journal that I was an alcoholic for the first time at 9am on February 20, 2018. I was in my first recovery meeting three hours later. Alcoholism had come on me fast, in less than three years (or we could argue that I’d had it all along, and it didn’t bloom until I drank more often).

The first three months of recovery were grueling. The last year has been challenging. It’s not easy. But it’s pretty damn simple. I go to meetings. In between, I don’t drink (or use weed or sleeping pills, other crutches I’d used to numb myself).

And it’s been, literally, THE BEST YEAR IN MY LIFE. Not because everything’s gone right – no. A man died underneath my hands as I gave him CPR after he was struck by a car. A relative I loved killed himself. We had to go into our savings to pay the bills. I worked too much and didn’t make enough money. BUT I DIDN’T DRINK. I was present. I felt my feelings (which I didn’t recognize – I couldn’t remember feeling feelings as an adult. This is all new to me, this sitting with what’s going on and just being with it). I’ve made so many close, sweet, necessary friendships that I can’t imagine not having. I have a community of people who love me as I am, a community I love.

Most astonishingly and most importantly, I’ve come into contact with something greater than myself.

I can’t name it, nor do I want to. I certainly don’t ascribe to the idea a bearded God who watches from on high, but the universe has folded itself around me in love, and I know there’s something out there.

Meditation and prayer are a part of my daily life, giving me so much sweet relief. I use Tarot as a way to see into my subconscious, and the cards often make me laugh, like they did this morning, as I asked the cards (which I believe are ordered by that same universal Higher Power) to tell me what today would mean for me. I drew Death (a wonderful card, the symbol of complete transformation, the leaving of an old way of life behind and the start of a new one) and the Three of Cups (the card of community, celebration, friendship, and creativity, all the things I’ve found in sobriety). I laughed in joy as the cards showed their gorgeous faces.

Death and Three of Cups, Sobriety

I’m a new person.

I’m more grateful than I’ve ever been. It’s one day at a time, and the time I’ve been sober doesn’t actually matter, but I’m choosing to honor this day that reminds me of where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going.

(If you’re in need of help, please reach out to someone, to me or to another trusted person. Not a single one of us can get sober and stay sober alone. I love you. I see you. I am you. We are everywhere (you’d be surprised), and we’re holding you in the light.)

PS – I’m not actually admitting I’m part of any of the recovery groups that depend on anonymity for their continued success. I’m just suggesting such groups are out there, and that they might help some people. And maybe I got a 1-year chip from someone whose name I will not share but is a person I love. 😉

Posted by Rachael 23 Comments

Uniform Project

January 29, 2019

The uniform project is great so far! I’ve been carrying out my mission to not have to think about my clothing since about mid-December (I always get big ideas at the end of a year and then I can’t resist starting early).

The project is related to my #DepthYear that I’m focusing on this year – saving money and staying close to home and the things I already have. Know what I have a lot of? Black dresses.

I LOVE black dresses. I love LBDs that are barely decent and long heavy dresses that make me look like I’m escaping a cult. I like clingy sexy V-neck dresses and wide tent dresses. If it’s black and somewhat fits, I like it.

(Well,  most of the time I like all black dresses. I actually sent an email to Wool&, offering to take them up on their offer of a free Rowena dress if you would document wearing it every day for 100 days in a row (wash and dry overnight when needed, which wool needs less than other fabrics). They sent me one. Sadly, I did not like it at all. I’m a 44 chest, and it’s not made for ladies with ladies. It looked more like a too-short, ill-fitting tunic. I sent it back, with regret. I was TOTALLY going to brag my face off about getting a free $128 dress and wearing the same thing for 100 days in a row. But nope.)

I just have one rule:

Until the heat of summer, when I’ll start wearing my lightweight summer dresses, I’m wearing a black dress/tunic every day.

I can dress it up or down any way I like. This is me the other day in layers.

Rachael's Uniform Project

The leggings are actually polka dot and the boots are Frye shimmer boots, but the picture doesn’t pick up on the AWESOMENESS of that combo. (I’m not allowed to buy new things this year, but that’s okay because I have so many great things already due to the online shopping habit that got me to the point of needing a uniform project).

Look, I just feel better when I look like a Unitarian witch skating on the edge of toddler-grandma style. Dresses are COMFY. You never have to suck in your belly! (Nor should you anyway! Your belly is soft and rad! We love your belly!) The only time I’m not wearing this uniform is when I’m at home or working out, when I’m in leggings and a T-shirt.

The uniform project makes me feel great. I finally feel like myself ALL THE TIME. I’m sturdy in my boots, unknockoverable. My belly is round and happy. My calves are happy. My body is mine. 

And no one notices I’m wearing (almost) the same thing every day, because people don’t care what you wear. They really don’t. So sweetheart, let yourself be your favorite kind of you.

Posted by Rachael 26 Comments

Rock the Boat

January 28, 2019

Y’all, I wrote another book.

Rock the Boat by Rachael Herron

 ROCK THE BOAT BUY LINKS:

Amazon | Kobo | iBooks | B&N | Google

Jake’s story was SUCH a long time coming. I feel I owe this sailor an apology. When I started the Ballard Brothers, he was the one I really wanted to get to — I was in love with him, and the idea of him sitting on his boat docked in the Darling Bay marina, waiting for love.

But I got busy writing other things, and other genres trumped romance for a while.

Now he has his story, and his happily ever after. It’s funny to come to a book with the male half being the important one, at first. I usually start with my female characters. So for Jake, I had to think of someone smart enough and strong enough to be a good foil for him, but also someone grounded enough to provide him with the roots he’d always lacked.

Zora is that character. I love her passion for gardening, and for the kids she teaches, and most of all, her inability to zip it when other people might keep quiet. She says what she means, kindly, but without apology. I love that in a woman.

I hope you enjoy the story. I know I enjoyed writing it (no, THAT IS A LIE. It was a struggle to write. Some books come easy, some come kicking me in the face all the way through. But the revision was smooth sailing because then I knew what their story had to be).

Viva love!

Posted by Rachael 1 Comment

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