Archives for December 2004

Can you BELIEVE that? It’s almost here!

THE AIDS MARATHON!

To which you all, in your infinite generosity and grace and love, are sending Team 911 (along with that HUGE donation from Rosenblum Cellars — go buy some wine. Way worth it, I’m telling you. Makes me run faster, anyway).

I can’t believe we raised the money. I can’t believe we’ve done the training. I can’t believe I go to work tonight and then leave from there to go right to the airport. I have SO much to remember — haven’t packed a thing yet.

Okay. I’m nervous. Way nervous. What if I don’t make it? What if I don’t? Huh? Huh? I’ve done the distance before, yes, in the practice marathon last month. But this is in the HEAT! I hate heat. And the humidity. Oh, erg. I’m scared. Jitters. But excited. This is it.

This is IT.

I’m taking my computer, on the off chance I get to blog. I won’t count on being able to, but I’ll hope. And dude, you can go to the Honolulu Marathon and keep track of where I am on Sunday in real time (that’ll keep me honest, eh?) by typing in either my name or my runner number: 6900. And I’ll thank you to keep your smart remarks about my number to yourself. Yep. And watch our girl Marama, too! She’s number 7167. Keep her strong in your minds, also….

I just have to tell you what my sister Christy and  Celia did this weekend. They put their wonderful heads together, and with huge hearts and helping hands and a garage sale, they got together an envelope for Marama and me. When I opened it, I found ninety dollars. I gotta tell you — Marama just bought a house, too, and we are house POOR. We’re actually both house broker-than-broke. We were dreaming of mai-tais on the beach after the run (hell, during the run would be all right, too….), but kind of knew we were going to be buying a lot of free sand and free water instead. So they gave us mai-tai money. It’s not for the AIDS Foundation, it’s not for any good cause at all, it’s just for us to have dinner, or drinks, or pedicures, whatever. Isn’t that just the sweetest thing you ever heard? Made me cry. Really. Thank you, to the both of youse. You’ve made us so happy.

And the rest of you? You made this trip possible, and more than that, much much much more than that, think about this: You raised over $7000 to fight AIDS. We’re running for you. Running because of you. Bless all your hearts.

All love, and think of us on Sunday! Whooo hooooooo!

Yeehaw!

Lala’s home! She’s got a Buddha bug, though, so she’s a mite under the weather. I believe this calls for fudge.

I’m really, really glad she’s home.

Really glad.

Okay.

And in more prosaic news, I painted this weekend! I just did the bathroom, and technically I only did half the bathroom. I had this whole idea that I would put up a white chair rail under the yellow and leave the bottom half white (because I could NEVER move that tub), but now I’m thinking of doing a decorative border because there are a couple of curves along the walls. I went to the hardware store and looked at wallpaper borders, and while I was extremely tempted by all the baseball/rocket/flower-explosion types, I just couldn’t make up my mind. What a wealth. I think I’ll paint a little vine instead. I keep thinking to myself, "What if I screw it up?" Then I think, "Eh. Who cares? It’s MINE!"

Have I told you lately how GREAT that feels?

And I only stepped off the chair INTO the paint tray once. But when they say soap and water, they mean it. Thank god.

Also, I finished the gansey.

A little closer:

And from the back (note the new paint!):

Harriet remained unimpressed:

Specs:
Yarn: Handspun wool from unremembered vendor at Maryland Sheep and Wool, worsted weight.
Pattern: Silver Creek Classics, S-806
Gauge: 5st/inch, on 2(US)

I freaking LOVE this sweater. Love it. Toyed with giving it away — I can’t. I’m not a big enough person. I’m just not. I must keep this and wear it all the time. Wearing it right now, as a matter of fact. Wore it to dinner (sushi) last night with Lala. Might wear it to my birthday party (in July) and might wear it to yours, too.

Hooray! It’s a good day.

So let me get this the hell straight (so to speak). The United Church of Christ has this ad. It shows two bouncers standing at the door of a church, letting some people in, keeping others (a gay couple, a black boy and girl) out. Then it says, "Jesus didn’t turn people away. Neither do we." It’s an open invitation to worship with them. It’s a lovely ad. See it HERE.

ABC, CBS, and NBC won’t air it, stating it’s too controversial with today’s heightened focus on "moral values."

Here’s what kills me. CBS actually announced this: "Because the commercial touches on the exclusion of gay couples and
other minority groups by other individuals and organizations, and the
fact the Executive Branch has recently proposed a constitutional
amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, this
spot is unacceptable for broadcast on the (CBS and UPN) networks."

So because the Bush administration wants marriage to be only a union between a man and woman, because they’re trying to write hate into the Constitution (for the first time ever making the Constitution exclusionary), the media outlets can now officially discriminate against people of color and people like me. Wouldn’t want to offend the moral majority, now. Soon, I’m sure, NBC won’t show "Will and Grace," because there might be gay people on it. No, that MAKES money for the network, doesn’t it? So that’s all right.

Fabulous. My stomach hurts.

Write them. Do it. I hate writing letters like this; it never seems to feel like we’re making a difference. But maybe we will.

Here you go:
nbcshows@nbc.com
netaudr@abc.com
www.cbs.com  (click on feedback on the bottom and the e-mail form will pop up)

Enjoy your weekend, all.

Late post tonight, but I’ve got several things on my mind and want to dump them here before I go to work.

#1 – I miss Lala. I’m really trying not to, as I think she’s out in the woods being all meditative and content. Really, at heart, I’m a meditative, content person. I should try harder to match her in this right now. I think (from what I glean in conversation, haven’t done my own reading yet) that one of the ideas in Buddhism is to try not to become Attached to things or people, as all will change. Yeah, well. I’m attached. I understand that everything changes, everyone dies, people go different places, get sick, suddenly like sushi after never liking it before, yes. I know. I’m okay with that. I’m not asking for any kind of permanent permanence here. I know that’s impossible. But I MISS her. In a pouty, foot-stomping, petulant, sulky way. Attractive, I’m sure. Stomp.

#2 – I woke up feeling cruddy again. But not too overly cruddy, and I decided I would worry less about the marathon if I went for a training run, so I did. It was a hard run, lungs working overtime in the cold, and it was a rhinoceros day as I lumbered around Mills (my new favorite run — Em, tell your mom!). But now, after my bath, tucked up on the couch, I feel so much better, physically AND mentally. Weird.

#3 – A comment from Dear Reader Cathy really got me thinking. She said, "I’m not a writer or a long (or short) distance runner, but it seems to
me the two activities have something in common. 1. Only an almost crazy
person would attempt such a feat. 2. You must love it or you wouldn’t
do it. 3. When you’ve hit that 17th mile (or whatever it is) you need
the someone to run with you or cheer you on." And then she gave me a great CHEER.

I’ve hit the high miles in the novel, haven’t I? I worked on it yesterday! I did! And I will today, too! I realized this: They’re right about running a marathon when they say it’s in two halves. The first half is 20 miles, and the second half is the final 6. I found that to be utterly true when we ran the practice marathon. The first twenty were pretty hard, but the last six were grueling and almost impossible. And that’s where I am in the book. I’ve cruised through the first twenty metaphorical miles, and now I’m looking up a great big six mile hill. I’m exhausted. But I know I can do it. Step by step. My reward is once I’m done, I’ll get to start another! I love the magic of writing without (really) thinking, just letting the characters do whatever the hell it is they want to do. I love the lack of control I have I over them. What’s hard is this part, the reining in, the choices I have to make, the connections I have to draw or redraw or erase. Erg. It’s going to take a while. But with this marathon metaphor in mind, I feel for the first time that it’s not insurmountable. Thank you, Cathy. Wow.

#4 – I think I forgot to tell you this. Lala was recognized in Trader Joe’s by one of my readers. I was astounded. Personally, I’ve only ever been recognized at Yarn Things. It was Dear Reader Laine, and I had JUST been telling Lala about her. Laine, how’s the move going, anyway?

All right. I think that was it. I’m going to watch a spot of TV before dragging myself and my novel off to work. Have a good night, y’all. Love on someone, okay?

I can’t decide how to take care of myself right now. Really, it sounds odd, but I just can’t seem to figure it out. I can’t decide how my body is feeling and what I should do about it. I’ve felt feverish off and on for days. I was totally ready to call in sick tonight if I woke up feeling the same way I felt when I went to bed. But I feel better now, and might even be up for a run. A short one. Maybe? I can’t decide. Will that make me feel better? Or worse? No way of knowing. I could just stay on the couch, which my heart knows is sensible, but sensible is also getting my training runs in this week. Next week, the week before the race, I’m not doing ANY training runs, to give my shin splints a final break. This week, it feels like it’s important to do them.

I’m babbling. I’m grasping at words, any words.

You know what I’m NOT doing? Yeah, you probably do. I’m not writing. Haven’t since I moved. Right now I’m at the point where I’m re-reading the novel slowly, making notes, and deciding how to change the damn book so I can finish it. Hard, hard work, and I’ve been putting it off. And off. I have to get rid of one integral character completely (or at least make her a minor support character). And I’d like to plot it out. I didn’t want a plot when I wrote it, but two years and a very bad memory later, I think I need some help remembering what I’ve done in five hundred plus pages.

I’m moved. No more excuses. I’ll work on it today. And I’ll take it with me to Hawaii. Yow. Just want to be back IN it. It’s good when I’m in it. Right now I’m standing next to it in a bar, bumping elbows with it, but refusing to acknowledge its presence.

No more excuses. Except this one: No running today. I’ve decided. If I’m not sure how I feel, better to err on the safe side. Just had to write it out.

Now I just have to Write It Out.