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Rachael Herron

(R.H. Herron)

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Digit, Actually Dead This Time

November 8, 2013

Digit was the worst cat ever. He arrived as a tiny little jerk. 

 
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Even in that picture, he’s probably about to scratch me.  

He fell in love with me, though, instantly. I was mama, since he was too young to leave his own who’d abandoned him under a house in San Francisco, but he was never my “fur baby.” I didn’t call him my son. No offense to those who call their pets that—it’s lovely. It just wasn’t the way we rolled. We were bachelors together in that little mother-in-law hovel that clung to the hill in east Oakland. We both went out at night and came back tore up. I’d have careless cigarette burns in my clothing, and he’d have foxtails and other cats’ claws stuck in his. 

 
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We bunked together. Happily. He nuzzled under my chin and shoved his paw in mine, using his claws to get closer if he needed to. He attacked visitors with creativity and enthusiasm, clawing his way up their jeans and over their shoulders to the sound of their curses. He drew blood first and often. I told visitors, “Don’t touch the cat, I mean it.” Then if they did that silly, “Oh, all cats love me, watch,” I never felt sorry for them and handed out bandages. 

My neighbors, when we moved to a tonier section of Oakland, hated my emeffing cat. They demanded recompense for Digit chasing their cat into their house and beating the hell out of her—and I was about to pay their vet bill until I saw their cat beat the hell out of Digit in my yard, so we agreed to pay our own bills.  

Digit saw me through six relationships. He didn’t care for most of the people I dated, but he loved Lala. Hated her dogs, though. Hated. He spent years thinking about ways to decapitate Harriet in her sleep, but Harriet could hold her own. He also hated me for a while, for introducing such low-bred animals into my life. He forgave all, however, when we got Clementine, a pit bull of his very own. For at least the first year that Clementine lived with us, all Digit had to do was breathe to make Clementine cower. Digit loved it. Nothing was better than punching Clementine and making her cry. It was fucking Disneyland. 

 
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He cost me at least fifteen thousand dollars over the years, and that’s not including the five thousand the knitters raised for his care after he returned from the dead (first, he died. Then, three months later, I got schmittens. Then he came back from the dead. After that, there was a raffle that put him back together again. If you haven't read that story here or in my memoir, I'll let you have a minute). 

Fourteen years ago, I had him de-manned entirely, removing his penis because of a life-threatening disease. Last year, a vet told me soberly that, in fact, the cat I thought was male was actually female. I laughed my way out and I remain impressed with the remarkable job the first vet did. 

 
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Because that cat was all male. He stood up to pee, his beer farts were terrible, and when he lost at poker we had to eat ramen for weeks. And he was my guy. I was his girl. We were each other's. We’ve been each other's since the very first moment. It was love at first sight for both of us, and tonight, as I held his paw as he drifted off, there was no one else in the whole world but him. 

Today's decision to let him go was the right decision. It was a terrible day, deciding. Lala called me at work this morning, and I was able to take vacation for the rest of the day.

I spent almost seven hours in bed today holding him as he slept like this.

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By the time we got to the vet, he was almost all the way checked out, not even able to purr. Strangely, it was a relief to let him go.  

He was a jerk. A real, complete asshole. And he was MINE. 

My face hurts and my head aches. My eyes are almost swollen shut. I miss the hell out of that beast already and it’s gonna get worse, I bet, before it gets better. We have a lot of animals, yes. We still have three dogs and two cats left. And you know what? I like them all. I even love them.  

But I loved no one and nothing like I loved Digit. We came as a package deal, and for the first time in seventeen years, he’s not yelling at me, and I’m not yelling back.  

Lala has said for a while that his first name is Fuck Off. This is because of how many times a day one or the other of us said, “Fuck off, Digit.” Because he was a ridiculous, demanding jerk who tried to eat the food off our plates constantly. But he’s dying, I’d joke. 

Not a joke, I guess. 

Tonight, after we said our goodbyes, before the vet pushed the needle, I said, “Fuck off, Digit.” 

Lala said, “Fuck right off.” 

As we left, we saw the vet petting his body. 

 
Photo

Some cat. Fucking love of my life. 

Posted by Rachael 149 Comments

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kate Lathrop says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    Omg – am so very very sorry – I remember when digit went on walk about. For what it’s worth sending love and hugs. Blessings.

    Reply
  2. Abigail says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    Oh Rachael, I am so so sorry for your loss. I am crying for Digit too.

    Reply
  3. moiraeknittoo says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    I’m raising a god damn glass of something eyewatering to him tonight, because damn. That was one hell of a cat.

    Reply
  4. Zaftiguous says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    I was doing okay until I got to the “fuck off” part. Then I lost it. Completely. #kleenex

    Reply
  5. Angela Hockabout says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:35 pm

    I am so so sorry. 🙁 Sounds like he lived the heck out of his life. He was a boss.

    Reply
  6. Linda McDonald says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    I’m so very sorry. I know that there isn’t much anyone can say that will help with the hurt. Just know that I care, and am thinking about you and Digit.

    Reply
  7. (formerly) no-blog-rachel says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    Oh…so sorry Rachael. Much love to you.

    Reply
  8. Cheryl Brake says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    Oh, wow, I’m soooo sorry! I know how hard that is to do. We’re gonna have to do that soon also, with one of our dogs. I just haven’t grown the balls to do it yet. Cherish the memories. Jerks need love, too 🙂

    Reply
  9. janna says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    I’m so sorry, Rachael. I’ve told you before that I loved Digit, too, even without ever meeting him — I love grouchy old man cats, and he seemed to be the ultimate one. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve re-read the story of his return. And I know it’s hard to let them go, even when you know it’s the right thing to do. Hugs to you….

    Reply
  10. jen says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    oh no. so, so sorry.

    Reply
  11. mandaleigh says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    Tears fell. We lost our Bryn on Valentine’s. I never dreamed I could cry so much. Be gentle together, you will need it in the days to come. Love.

    Reply
  12. Michele says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    Oh dear. I’m so sorry for your loss. Now missing my own old gal that I never really liked but loved like the dickens. Thank you for sharing your boy with us, every little bit of him.

    Reply
  13. Kristin says

    November 8, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    I’m crying with you over here. I get it. Completely get it. And I’m so, so sorry for the loss of your fucking cat.
    Hugs from afar, my friend. xo

    Reply
  14. Rachel T says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    Good night little buddy. Give my Horatio your regards.

    Reply
  15. Chanpreet says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:03 pm

    Rachael I wish I could find any words that lessen your pain at losing Digit. By sharing Digit’s escapades you made him ours too. He was loved and he knew it. I’m so sorry.

    Reply
  16. Lindsey says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    RIP, Digit. You made a big impression on this life.
    My condolences to you and Lala, and hugs to help you in your time of mourning.

    Reply
  17. Sarah W says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:11 pm

    I’ve just read your blog entry and I’m bawling. So sorry to hear about Digit. I lost my two boys a few years ago – both went into kidney failure. Maybe Digit can terrorize my Tom and Jerry.

    Reply
  18. Ginger says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    So much love to you and all those left in his wake. Thanks for sharing him with us over the years.

    Reply
  19. Tanya says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:25 pm

    Love always hurts. Sweet dreams, Digit.

    Reply
  20. Judy H. says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry. I’m all teared up.

    Reply
  21. Shelley B. says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    Rachael, what a smart guy Digit was to pick such a loving Mama! He moved in, captured your hearts and that was it. My heart breaks for you and Lala tonight. Sending you both hugs to help ease the pain.

    Reply
  22. danielle says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. The hardest and kindest thing in the world is to let the ones we love go. Dec 2011, we made the decision for Jack who had rectal cancer for 9 months; April 2012 we made the decision for Althea who was sick for 2 days when we discovered she had metastasized lung cancer. And now my son is facing this with his best friend of the past 11 years. I know how it feels. I do. And all I can say is let it out – and do not be surprised if you still hear/feel him for months and years to come because he will always be a part of you.
    Hugs…..and oh by the way – FO!

    Reply
  23. Andrea says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    There are no words, but there is love. All for you. He was something.

    Reply
  24. Alison says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Rachael, I never thought I could love a cat thousands of miles away from me, but with your stories and pictures you brought that mo-fo cat to life for your readers. I have been dreading this day and I’m crying as I write this. He was one hell of a cat and I am so glad you shared him with us.
    I have my own cranky feline – Winnie, who has been with me for 10 years (ever since she was a kitten ). She wasn’t a neighborhood traveller like Digit – she’s a chicken in fact – but like Digit she’s a one-person cat. And like Digit, she’s the type of cat you warn people about (including “cats love me” people). Sending you lots of hugs from Vancouver.

    Reply
  25. Inky says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    My heart aches. I remember so well when Digit came back ♡

    Reply
  26. Cindi says

    November 8, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    Thanks for sharing Digit’s life with all of us.

    Reply
  27. Caroline says

    November 8, 2013 at 11:06 pm

    I said it over on bookface and I’ll say it here, too. oh god. crying here, too. I hate this. hate it. love to you all.

    Reply
  28. Barbara says

    November 8, 2013 at 11:28 pm

    I am so sorry Rachel. He sounds like he was Some Cat.

    Reply
  29. Sue says

    November 9, 2013 at 12:05 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Digit was special, and a house full of animals doesn’t lessen the pain of losing him. Yes, he was an ass, but he was YOUR ass (that sounds wrong, but you know what I mean). Making me miss my lost ones even more than normal now. Hugs to both of you.

    Reply
  30. Dani B says

    November 9, 2013 at 12:30 am

    I’m sure he went content in the knowledge that he is totally irreplaceable, because who would deliberately invite an asshole like that into their home? So sorry for your loss xx

    Reply
  31. Lori says

    November 9, 2013 at 12:48 am

    My cats are wondering why I’m hugging them tightly and smothering them with tear-filled kisses – more than usual at least. So sorry Digit is gone. What a cat!

    Reply
  32. Anna says

    November 9, 2013 at 1:21 am

    I think everyone who’s ever read about Digit loves him, I know I’m sitting here crying that he’s gone. I am sure I wasn’t the only one with him on my mind yesterday when you were tweeting about him, those assholes get all the attention.
    Thinking of you.

    Reply
  33. Julie says

    November 9, 2013 at 2:56 am

    My heart is breaking for you. Just a week ago I was telling a co-worker about Digit’s absence and return. Please know that even though many of us didn’t know him, we knew him through you. Sending comforting hugs.

    Reply
  34. aimalyn says

    November 9, 2013 at 4:02 am

    Ugh, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I’m amazed he held on for so long, and I’m glad you two had many years together after his resurrection.
    I always think of him as your animagus husband. 🙂 Much love to you and your family.

    Reply
  35. Carole says

    November 9, 2013 at 4:25 am

    Awww crap. I’m so sorry. And, as the owner of an aging cat myself, I get it.

    Reply
  36. Debbie Q says

    November 9, 2013 at 4:40 am

    Oh I am SO sorry. When I say I know how you feel, I do. I STILL miss my Zachary Clarence Mr. Crabbypants. Hugs from freezing Northeast Ohio!!

    Reply
  37. Annie says

    November 9, 2013 at 4:45 am

    So sorry for the loss of your grumpy old man.

    Reply
  38. Nestra says

    November 9, 2013 at 5:09 am

    I’m sorry. I understand.

    Reply
  39. Zoom says

    November 9, 2013 at 5:11 am

    Rachael, I’m so so so very sorry about Digit. I always loved how much you loved him. Digit was the best cat I never met. GC and I are both crying.

    Reply
  40. Janella says

    November 9, 2013 at 5:25 am

    I’m sorry for you loss. I remember reading when he left and when he came back. What a cat!

    Reply
  41. Lori Kuhl says

    November 9, 2013 at 5:36 am

    Rachel I am so incredibly sorry this has happened. My thoughts are with you and Digit today.

    Reply
  42. margene says

    November 9, 2013 at 5:53 am

    The loss of our dearest little ones is the hardest thing we go through, especially when they have worked their way into our hearts the way Digit worked into yours. You had the gift of true love and you gave the gift of true love. To lose that love is a heart-breaker and my heart goes out to you.

    Reply
  43. Jodi says

    November 9, 2013 at 5:56 am

    This is beautiful. xo

    Reply
  44. Becca says

    November 9, 2013 at 6:04 am

    I’m very sorry. He was lucky to spend his life with you.

    Reply
  45. Sally at Rivendale Farms says

    November 9, 2013 at 6:28 am

    I also was good til I got to “fuck off, fuck right off” and now am bawling my eyes out. I hope Digit is kicking some ass in cat heaven – I’m pretty sure he is. Hugs to you and Lala.
    Hail Digit.

    Reply
  46. Laura says

    November 9, 2013 at 6:51 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve followed you for years now and Digit was one helluva cat. Peace to you and yours.

    Reply
  47. susanne says

    November 9, 2013 at 6:58 am

    They take over your heart and it breaks when the have to go. RiP Digit.

    Reply
  48. Liz C says

    November 9, 2013 at 7:14 am

    Oh Rachel. This pain is some of the worst there is; our pets, and I think particularly cats, are such huge parts of our every day living that we cannot help seeing them around every corner, hearing their voices in our minds long after they’ve gone ahead of us. In our house is still a gaping Brutus-shaped hole where our own grumpy old man cat left us bereft. The other animals in the house are beloved, but I believe in every life, we are privileged to have The Special One, the Anam Cara; a soul friend. Clearly Digit was yours. All our love to you and LaLa.
    Good night, Digit. Swift journey. Kick a little ass with Brutus for me, would ya?

    Reply
  49. Mandy says

    November 9, 2013 at 7:20 am

    So very, very sorry for your loss. There’s nothing quite like the loss of our furry life partners…I’m remembering Digit and sending you love today.

    Reply
  50. Mark W. says

    November 9, 2013 at 8:04 am

    Hail and Farewell, Digit! He was so badass, he used up two lives in one. My thoughts are with you all.

    Reply
  51. Eve says

    November 9, 2013 at 8:09 am

    So sorry to read this … Digit was a special, lucky guy. His was a life well lived which makes his departure so much harder and creates a void that no other cat can ever fill for you or for Lala.

    Reply
  52. Katie says

    November 9, 2013 at 8:44 am

    O)h, Rach, I am so sorry. It will get better just not anytime soon. I love my animals almost more than I love my children, only becasue when I come home, I get the Barbara Streisand welcome form them “She’s here! she’s here1 She’shereshe’shereshe’shere!” and I get “Did you get milk from the humans I live with.
    He’s on a sunny hillside, with lots of cats and dogs to terrify until you join him. If I get there first, I’ll take care of him.

    Reply
  53. Geeka says

    November 9, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Sigh, I’m crying too. I went through this earlier this year. It’s amazing how much writing it all out helps.
    http://sciencegeeka.wordpress.com/2013/05/25/an-obituary-for-a-cat/

    Reply
  54. Janine says

    November 9, 2013 at 9:31 am

    oh Rachael! I am so sorry for your loss. I have been reading your blog since forever and I remember whe Digit vanished and came back ( eventually)
    He was your cat and you were his person and you knew when it was time to say goodbye even though it hurts. We went through this with our elderly dog this time last year and it still hurts sometimes, but the “good” memories are slowly replacing the sad ones. Hugs xxx

    Reply
  55. Donna Jefferis says

    November 9, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Dear Rachael I am sorry for your loss, sending best wishes from downunder.

    Reply
  56. Janine says

    November 9, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Oh, darlings, I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it’s a big one and he will leave a hole in your family. Big big hugs.

    Reply
  57. Renee Rothmann says

    November 9, 2013 at 10:13 am

    so so sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

    Reply
  58. Kim says

    November 9, 2013 at 10:17 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. The special ones are especially difficult to lose. Take care of yourself. Sending hugs.

    Reply
  59. Teri S. says

    November 9, 2013 at 10:48 am

    I”m so, so sorry, Rachael. I know the grief is searing. It will get worse, then it will ever so slowly get better. He was an amazing cat. Take care of yourself and Lala. xoxo ~~Teri

    Reply
  60. Mags says

    November 9, 2013 at 10:49 am

    He was a miracle pet! So sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  61. --Deb says

    November 9, 2013 at 10:55 am

    I’m so, so sorry.

    Reply
  62. auntiemichal says

    November 9, 2013 at 11:38 am

    I’m going to miss him, too. Hugs all around.

    Reply
  63. Rhonda from Baddeck says

    November 9, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    I gasped when I read the title of your blog. I’m so sorry, Rachael. I know you’ll miss him terribly. We’ll also miss hearing stories about his latest antics. May he rest in peace, and may you find comfort in remembering what a special guy he was.

    Reply
  64. Jeanne B. says

    November 9, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    Oh, Digit, I say, as my heart breaks for Rachael (and LaLa, too, but mostly for Rachael, because he was Her Cat).
    Because of your amazing return, I discovered this blog, Rachael’s writing, and a wonderful inspiring tale to tell when others had cats that went missing. Digit’s Amazing Journey gave hope that maybe their beloved pets would find their way home, too. Never, ever, ever give up hope.
    Digit, you proved that, even if the proof came in a growly, snarly, grumpy package. I’m crying for your loss. You were one of the special ones. You were so special, your human had to find you and lose you twice in one lifetime.
    Rest, Digit, in “peace” as it is defined by your unique and surly self. I’m already missing the stories.
    Enormous hugs to Rachael, LaLa, and those you’ve left behind. I have to go hug my 19-year-old granny cat and dry my eyes on the fur of my other four now.

    Reply
  65. M-H says

    November 9, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    You made me cry – me, the tough old dyke! Take your time, sweetheart, and mourn. He was an original. XXXXX

    Reply
  66. Vicki says

    November 9, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    Love to you all.

    Reply
  67. claudia says

    November 9, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    I’m so sorry, babe. Peace to both of you.

    Reply
  68. Pat L says

    November 9, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    OMG, Rachael! I am so, so sorry about Digit. All of us – your Blog family for many, many years – are going to miss your loving stories of that “effing Digit”. I know how you feel but somehow it was magnified many times by Digit! Famous as “the cat who kept coming back” and loved by all of us as if he were our own. Hope you and Lala will be okay and explain to the other four-footeds where digit is now. Sending hugs!

    Reply
  69. Pat L says

    November 9, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    Blast, now I am crying! RIP Digit!

    Reply
  70. Suzanne says

    November 9, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    I am so sorry. He had a great life with you.

    Reply
  71. Valerie says

    November 9, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    So sorry. Love all around.

    Reply
  72. Janet White says

    November 9, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    I sit here crying for a cat I don’t know. And for the humans who miss him. God bless.

    Reply
  73. Donna says

    November 9, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    That was possibly the best obituary that I have ever read. You captured both his personality and your relationship so well. And it made me cry. And laugh a little. He was lucky that he had you, and you’re lucky that you had each other.
    I’m so sorry that you lost your friend, but so glad that you had him with you as long as you did. Take care

    Reply
  74. Janice in GA says

    November 9, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss. 🙁 I’m glad he came back that time. I’m sorry he’s gone for good this time.
    We love them so much. And it’s so hard when the end comes.
    ::hugs::

    Reply
  75. Monica says

    November 9, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    So, so sorry. I know it hurts so bad. I cried a little with you, reading this. We love them so, and it sucks ASS to say goodbye.

    Reply
  76. Beth PR says

    November 9, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    Thinking of you.

    Reply
  77. Marlene Cullen says

    November 10, 2013 at 6:24 am

    My sincere condolences. As I scroll through, reading these posts, I’m amazed at how many lives you have touched, Rachael. I shouldn’t be. . . you are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing all your stories. . . the highs and the lows. Wishing you a quiet day . . . memories of a scrappy kitten who became your guy.

    Reply
  78. Donna says

    November 10, 2013 at 6:43 am

    I still remember having to explain that I made a donation because I met this cat on the internet; I like to think that Digit spent that money on gambling and women instead of a ninth life. XOXOX

    Reply
  79. Helen says

    November 10, 2013 at 8:28 am

    I remember when Digit came back – he was truly yours.
    I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to lose a cat that is always there no matter how much of a pain in the ass they are. Big hugs.

    Reply
  80. Kris says

    November 10, 2013 at 8:50 am

    I’m so sorry. {{{hugs}}}

    Reply
  81. cgReno says

    November 10, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Cannot add to the comments above, all said perfectly. Fuck off Digit, and hugs for Rachael and Lala………

    Reply
  82. Kendra says

    November 10, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Oh, Rachael, I am so sorry to hear this. I’ll give my Morgen an extra hugs (sans scratches) in Digit’s honor tonight.

    Reply
  83. Nell says

    November 10, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    I’m so sorry, Rachel. You gave that asshole a great life and home.

    Reply
  84. dana says

    November 10, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Rachael, I can only add to the chorus and say I’m sorry, and I’m crying for a cat I never met and probably wouldn’t have liked anyway.

    Reply
  85. Martha Kiger says

    November 10, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    I had a pain in the butt fat cat named Sid He was the “orson wells of cats” I saw the photo of Digit and remember my poor little guy looked so much the same before we took him to the vets to say goodbye. I still have the same hole from that amazing love of your life pain in the butt you describe from when we lost Sid. My 5 year old son had a book then called “6 is so much less than 7” about an animal lover who had many animals in his life but lost one. The story books I read him about losing a pet (there are quite a few out these dyas) were solace for me when I was supposed to be strong and not fall apart. We have now lost 3 animals in my son’s lifetime (14 years) but have added 3 more and for a time fostered one to make 4. Minh says he wanted to be a vet when he was little but now he says he could never tell a child his pet was dying. Tears and love to you on this loss. I will remember Digt as immortal in your stories.

    Reply
  86. MaryB in Richmond says

    November 10, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    Oh, sweetie! I’m so, so sorry! I remember sobbing at work when he came back, and I cried again this time when I read that he won’t be coming back again.
    What a great life and love the two of you had for all these years!
    Big hugs and smooches,
    MaryB

    Reply
  87. Lucretia says

    November 10, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    Sweet Rachael and Dear Digit…your stories made my cry in that sadhappy kind of way. I am reminded of my own beloved Kitty Grrrl, a cranky Siamese who chose to love me for 15 years. Many feline blessings to both of you.

    Reply
  88. Ivy says

    November 10, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    I am so sorry. I have loved your Digit stories and he sounds like a fantastic, awesome cat. I’m crying as I read this, and hoping that Digit is enjoying beating the crap out of some other cats in the kitty afterlife.

    Reply
  89. LissaG says

    November 10, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    I have a similar cat named Fuck Off Hershel… don”t know what I’ll do when he’s gone.. hope Im as eloquent as you are. And Fuck Off Digit…

    Reply
  90. Jenny says

    November 10, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Shit. Now I’m crying too. I sort of thought he’d live forever. My heart goes out to you both.

    Reply
  91. melissa says

    November 10, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    oh, no. not Digit. I’ve followed his story (and yours) for YEARS. I thought he’d live forever – espeically after he came BACK. My heart is with you and Lala.

    Reply
  92. Dani says

    November 10, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    Oh Rachael, so shitty. I am not a cat person AT ALL but there was something about your love of your jerk cat that was truly special. (I think this is at least the third time I have cried over your cat!). Sending virtual hugs 🙁

    Reply
  93. Laurie says

    November 10, 2013 at 8:44 pm

    Oh honey. I’m so sorry. You know it has to happen some day but that doesn’t ever make us ready.
    Digit WAS special. I fell in love with him the first time you told a story about him. I had one like him too. A Siamese. Tough old bird that left a lot of scars on a lot of people. I still miss him.
    I’m not going to say anything about it getting better because I still get that ache in my throat when I think of Kit. But I wouldn’t change having him in my life for anything. I’m sure you feel the same about Digit.
    Hugs love. Hugs and hugs and I’ll snuggle with my kitty tonight and think of Digit. He of the peppery personality.

    Reply
  94. Isabelle says

    November 10, 2013 at 11:57 pm

    De-lurking to say I’m so, so, so very sorry.

    Reply
  95. Nancy says

    November 11, 2013 at 1:05 am

    Oh Rachael, I’m so very sorry. When they’re as tough and resilient as Digit, it’s hard to imagine them ever reaching that moment when you know it’s time to let them go. My heart goes out to you, Lala, and the whole furry family. Will hold you all close in my heart and thoughts.

    Reply
  96. sapphireblue says

    November 11, 2013 at 5:46 am

    I’m so sorry! You accepted this cat despite his temperament and saw him through his illnesses. This says something about your character. Many people would have ditched a cat like this. You stuck it out. Big hugs!

    Reply
  97. Bonnie says

    November 11, 2013 at 8:32 am

    I’m sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  98. Sandy says

    November 11, 2013 at 8:50 am

    Now I’m crying. At work. I’m so, so sorry. The love of your life doesn’t always come in the package that everyone supposes that it will. (that actually applies to a lot of life…)
    Be Well.

    Reply
  99. saranlap says

    November 11, 2013 at 8:53 am

    Some of them just take over our hearts like that, don’t they? We had a Queenie (and she was!) who had the most presumptuous attitude…and I loved her beyond measure for it. Letting her go was so hard but I’d never swap it for the alternative of not having had her in my life at all.
    So very sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  100. Marcy says

    November 11, 2013 at 8:59 am

    What an incredible life Digit had with you. I’m touched by your love and caring for him. You made a difference to each other. Hugs.

    Reply
  101. Lynn in Boise says

    November 11, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Safe journey to Digit. He was one lucky boy to have spent his life with you.
    It’s hard to type through my tears.

    Reply
  102. mosprott says

    November 11, 2013 at 10:36 am

    Aw honey, I’m so so sorry. Digit had more lives than most, and each was better than the last because he was with you. We’re all wrapped around you, with Digit.

    Reply
  103. Barbara says

    November 11, 2013 at 11:25 am

    Oh, honey, I’m so very sorry. Hug Lala a lot. Make her hug you too. ((((hug)))) These are from me.

    Reply
  104. Cindi says

    November 11, 2013 at 11:33 am

    This post made me cry. My Maine Coon (Elwood) is 17 and I am really dreading the day he leaves. They really wrap themselves around our hearts, don’t they?

    Reply
  105. Doris says

    November 11, 2013 at 11:40 am

    I am so sorry Rachel. I know how much it hurts to have a cat-sized hole in your heart. I am sending you a virtual hug.

    Reply
  106. Rachel says

    November 11, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    So sorry for your loss. I’ve been reading your blog since Digit went on a walkabout and you thought you’d lost him, and remember crying when I read your entry that he had made his way back. What a marvelous cat he was. So glad you two had each other.

    Reply
  107. yogahz says

    November 11, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    You made him a cat I cared about through your writing. I remember being so happy when he came back to you. That seems like yesterday.
    I’m so sorry.

    Reply
  108. Lori says

    November 11, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    I am so sorry.
    I have followed your blog for years and always loved your Digit stories.
    By any measure, he was an outstanding cat, truly a once in a lifetime cat.
    Thoughts and prayers to you and Lala.

    Reply
  109. Afton says

    November 11, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    I am so sorry. We all know the name of the ONE. I love my present two but neither is the ONE that I still grieve.

    Reply
  110. Teresa says

    November 11, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    I’m crying my eyes out for you and Lana. Love…

    Reply
  111. Wendy says

    November 12, 2013 at 3:33 am

    My heart aches for you and I’m crying my mascara off at work. (It’s a nice look.)Consider yourself virtually hugged.
    But still, I had to smile a little at your blog post title. I have been here, reading along, for so much of the Digit story throughout the years.

    Reply
  112. kayT says

    November 12, 2013 at 4:52 am

    Third time Digit made me cry: when he ran away, when he came home, and now. Damn cats really do “take over our hearts” as saranlap said.
    I’ll be thinking of you, Rachel, and Digit too, and my old Rocky who was so much like Digit, and all the other tough old cats. Glad to have had them in my life.

    Reply
  113. J says

    November 12, 2013 at 6:36 am

    I’ll bet that m-f cat is giving Saint Francis one hell of a hard time.
    And that may be the best piece of writing you’ve ever posted here, a fitting memorial to a hairy relationship.

    Reply
  114. celeste says

    November 12, 2013 at 7:01 am

    RIP Digit, off to the Happy Hunting Grounds. I lost my Stevie to kidney disease, it is so hard when that day comes. HUGS.

    Reply
  115. Stardancer says

    November 12, 2013 at 8:20 am

    I’m sorry for your loss, but glad you got to have him (be had by him) for those years.

    Reply
  116. Anneh says

    November 12, 2013 at 9:49 am

    Dammit, you made me cry at the service desk at work.

    Reply
  117. Miranda says

    November 12, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Oh, fuck all. I just put my boy Jake down after twenty years of hell raising boy-cattitude. Even with advanced face cancer, he was The Boss Cat, tuxedo and all, and my two English mastiffs still deferred their dinner to him even to the last. He was the most self-assured but insistent cat ever, not to be denied entry onto your lap or your pillow, and I miss the hell out of him. Love to you, Rachael. Our boys would have made a hell of a team.

    Reply
  118. Anne says

    November 12, 2013 at 11:51 am

    So sorry to read about Digit. We lost our Rocky, also 17 years old, a few months ago, and I think that he and Digit are probably hanging out together now – they seem to have a lot in common.
    Take care – it does hurt to lose them, no matter how long we have them.

    Reply
  119. Kathy says

    November 12, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    So very sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  120. Jenni says

    November 12, 2013 at 1:56 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. We said good bye to our Lady Argon this summer and as much as I was often telling her to fuck off, we dearly miss her bossy little mew.

    Reply
  121. Lynn says

    November 12, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    Oh, hell, I’m sorry.

    Reply
  122. Sally says

    November 12, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  123. Yvonne says

    November 12, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    I’m so very sorry Rachael.

    Reply
  124. JJ says

    November 13, 2013 at 4:02 am

    Oh. Speechless. The best and worst thing about having furry creatures in our ovens are how short a time we have them. I loved Digit stories so much. I am a bit teary, and I don’t usually cry.
    (like you I had to get 2 shittens to fill the hole my Emma left. I love them, but it will never be the same)

    Reply
  125. Dara Bell says

    November 13, 2013 at 6:56 am

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  126. KathleenC says

    November 13, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    Damn it. I know it happens. I’ve made that horrible awful terrible choice myself twice now. But still… I hate it. Hate the loss, hate the empty, hate the hurt.
    But… I love the years with. The purring and licks, the playing and catnip fueled wack-outs, the snuggles. The love.
    The first is a terrible price to pay and totally completely and fully worth it all the way.
    Much hugs to all of you including the other furry members of your family.

    Reply
  127. Leslie says

    November 13, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    I am sorry for your loss of your handsome boy. I cried when I read your post just like I cried when he came back from the dead. Cats and dogs hold a special place in my heart, and I know the heartbreak of when it’s time to say goodbye. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing all of your animals with us through your blog.

    Reply
  128. Kim says

    November 13, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear about Digit. I’ve followed your stories of him over the years. I lost my jerky cat a few years ago, and although we have three other cats, he was very special. It’s a weird bond and most people don’t get it. I dreamt about Zak for a long time afterward and each time, I’d say I was so glad to see him and I’d hold him. Heartbreaking. Take care of yourself and know that you were lucky to have each other.

    Reply
  129. Rachel Mitchell says

    November 13, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Oh, Rachael, I’m so sorry. Your post made new cry. Hugs to you from Ohio.

    Reply
  130. Kerry says

    November 14, 2013 at 4:32 am

    Oh man, I’m sorry to read this. You have all my sympathy. I had a ridiculous old cat of my own, and I was always glad to follow along and read the adventures of your old asshole cat while holding on to my old asshole cat. Kitty demanded to be carried around almost constantly for his last 5 years, and if you didn’t oblige he screamed so terribly that over the years I have pet sitters beyond count call me to tell me they thought he was dying, because he was just SCREAMING. When you picked him up, it was like someone hit the off switch. Then he would give you a big “that’s right b*tch” wink and fade off to sleep in your arms, exactly like he wanted. Who would have thought you could miss something that caused so much sleeplessness and irritation, yet there it is.
    Some of them just take a bigger piece of your heart when they go. It’s the cost of the privilege love, and I would pay it every time.

    Reply
  131. Michelle says

    November 14, 2013 at 9:16 am

    OMG – I’m sooo sorry sweetie!!! You and Digit have been a part of my life for sooo long! I’ve stalked your site and loved your boy for a lot of years. I sat here at work and had a good cry – I will miss him! Please know that Digit’s life has touched many of us and his spirit will live on in our memories. HUGE hugs to you and Lala – love you all!

    Reply
  132. Silvia says

    November 14, 2013 at 10:29 am

    I’m so sorry. First loves and all. Be well.

    Reply
  133. maddy says

    November 15, 2013 at 5:01 am

    Oh fuck off Digit. You stinkin rotten jerk.
    **sobs**
    Yeah … fuckoff

    Reply
  134. Karen says

    November 15, 2013 at 10:17 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Wish I knew words of comfort but there really aren’t any that even come close.

    Reply
  135. Gwen says

    November 15, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Love for you and Lala and creatures left. So very sorry.

    Reply
  136. Maria says

    November 15, 2013 at 11:09 am

    I am so sorry to hear about Digit. I had a similar beast of a cat called Tabby (I was 6). He was an orange tom cat, 18 lbs. without a scrap of fat on him. He owned the neighborhood for about 3 miles in any direction and would only come home when he needed to go to the vet because one of his battle wounds was abscessing. He wound up with FIV when he was 8 and became an indoor kitty immediately. He pissed on everything from my textbooks to my bedclothes to express his opinions of this change. I’ve still got a piece of sheet music with his blood spatters across it from the billionth time he managed to slip his cone and re-open his wounds in an impressive and artistic spray of fluids. I don’t usually tell people about all of the shit he pulled, because they don’t usually get it. The war stories just make the bond closer. We had 16 years together. Now he’s resting in my parents’ courtyard, right by the birdbath, under the shade of the mulberry tree. Lots of birds to kill. Let’s hope Tabby and Digit are both raising hell in kitty heaven, but hopefully in different parts.

    Reply
  137. Ann in NJ says

    November 15, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    There is no logic to who we love, we just love them. Digit loved you and you loved him. Mourning is the appropriate response. Very sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  138. Marietta says

    November 15, 2013 at 6:02 pm

    We raise dogs – – we’ve raised many – – sold some – – kept many . . . buried more than we can stand, because they don’t live as long as we would like them to live . . . we love each one, hate/love some of them, . . . but respect and honor each one. They are “us” . . . our buds . . . our best friends, sometimes – – but always, our trav’lin’ companions. They “know” us, sometimes better than we know ourselves. We just damn luv ’em. .. .

    Reply
  139. Lyn says

    November 16, 2013 at 2:37 am

    I had tears in my eyes reading this post, so hard to say goodbye to a beloved pet
    I broke my heart each time I have had to go thru it over the years
    I am sure he/she is smiling down from up ther

    Reply
  140. Snow says

    November 16, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    You were both well loved. Fiercely.
    xoxoxoxox

    Reply
  141. Suzanne says

    November 17, 2013 at 10:42 am

    Oh I am so sorry!
    Suzanne

    Reply
  142. KnittingInMind says

    November 17, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    I am so very sorry.
    I’ve always enjoyed hearing about Digit; thanks.

    Reply
  143. chandra says

    November 18, 2013 at 8:03 am

    Thank you for sharing your and Digit’s story with us. So very sorry for your loss 🙁

    Reply
  144. Mai Dang says

    November 18, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Rachael, I’m so sorry to hear about this. You have a way of making me either laugh really hard or cry my eyes out! Either way, your writing invokes so many emotions.

    Reply
  145. Petra says

    November 23, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    I am so happy for your darling Digit-he was so lucky to spend his life with such a loving soul mate. The tragedy of our pets is that they don’t live as long as we do, so we have to pack as much loving as we can into the time we have. It seems to me he was one of the luckiest cats in the world.
    Fly high Digit.

    Reply
  146. Mary in TN says

    November 30, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    Oh Rachel, I had not read the blog for a couple weeks and now I am so sorry to read of Digit’s passing. We lost our little Daisy-lee in 2010 and now our Smokey-Josephine is really thin from chronic kidney disease and our Sammi was just diagnosed with the same thing 3 weeks ago so that is how my month has gone. Trying to keep them eating and giving them the CKD meds. You did everything you could for Digit and he knew that and he loved you….I pray the Rainbow Bridge is real and we will all see our furbabies when it is our time to cross over. So very sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  147. Anne says

    December 2, 2013 at 7:50 am

    Oh, Rachel. I am so sorry about Digit. They have a way of sticking to your heart that makes it so hard to see them go. We have said good-bye to both our housecats and one outside cat in the last year. But, I guess, the joy and happiness when holding a purring furball makes it possible to take in another. Hugs.

    Reply
  148. Deborah says

    December 7, 2013 at 8:01 am

    I was behind in reading my blogs so I’m just finding out about Digit. I’m so sorry. He was a wonderful little fucker. My thoughts are with you and Lala.

    Reply
  149. Ayesha Shaikh says

    May 24, 2016 at 5:30 am

    I stumbled onto your blog, looking for litterbox solutions and was hooked on Digit’s story. My daughter brought home random strays last year and we ended up keeping them. The one I love, Hazel, is a whiny dissatisfied malcontent who finds nothing in the world pleasing except my lap and belly rubs on demand. Imagine my horror when I realized I’d fallen in love with the damn thing. She’s young and healthy but there’s a part of me that lives in fear of her death. I can only imagine the pain of losing such a feline soulmate as Digit. Just from the posts I read he seems larger than life, the kind of cat that makes people say, I wish I knew a cat like that! Well really only cat lovers would say that, the rest of the world is cursing him to his face no doubt.

    Long story short, I am so sorry for you loss. I hope the memories of him are now free from sorrow and pain and all there is, is the joy of having had him at all.

    Reply

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