You know when you’re thinking something, and you know it’s a bad thing, and you hope no one thinks the same thing, so you keep doing what you’re doing and keep hoping no one will notice? Yeah, you know what I mean. You just keep plugging along, thinking, Oh, hell. No. You’re wrong. No one will say that. I’m just crazy.
And then your coworker says, "That sweater makes me want a Big Mac. You gonna wear a Ronald McDonald red wig with that? Maybe you should go on down there and tell ’em you want a job." And later, when I was actually ON my way to McDonald’s, "Hey! You forgot your sweater! You could get a discount!"
I got all pissy. I called her names. I think I might have flipped her off. I acted like I hadn’t been thinking it all along.
And then I talked myself into thinking it was funny. Like it would endear me to the sweater. Won’t it be great to have a Fast Food Cardi? Everyone will want one. That is, they’ll want one when they come back from their food run that they suddenly had to make — they haven’t had a cheeseburger in years, but just sitting near me made the visions of 2-pickles-onions-lettuce dance in their heads.
Here it is. Camera phone shot, but believe me — this is the classic red/orange married with brilliant yellow of all your childhood happy-meal dreams.
I was gonna put more yellow around the vee-neck and the button bands, but I don’t think I can now. I tried it on and just stood there, thinking. I love red and yellow. I adore them together. But this….. Even if I did stick to my guns and finish it, every single time I put it on, I would think about Ronald. Every time I got out of the car, I would wonder if people thought I was on break from taking orders (not that there’s anything wrong with that, god forbid. I just don’t want something I make to look like a fast-food uniform). No matter what I tell myself, it’s just not going to happen.
I think I might rip the yellow out and add black rolled bands instead. Oooh! Or attached i-cord! Or white, as a summery contrast. Or hell, orange.
Sigh. Now I want a bacon-egg-n-cheese biscuit….
Oh, man. I was kinda kidding when I said that. But now I’m not.
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